Pound Pup Legacy

Coffee, cookies, chocolate.  Sports, sex, smoking,  Drugs, diets, drinking.  Pick a demon, any demon.... which one claims the life of someone you know?  Add a dick; shun.  Addiction.

I have two types of friends:  one type thinks and re-thinks everything to death; the other type lives life without doing much heavy thinking because feelings guide their actions.

I'm stuck in the middle, over-thinking my feelings, afraid to do any living that brings me personal happiness.  I have been trained to accept crap as a life-long condition, and as long as I detach from the pain, I'm ok.

I was in my mid-thirties when I first started to hear the soon-to-be reoccurring theme phrase said to me by various new-found friends and strangers:  "You deserve better." 

"Deserve better"?  What does that mean?  Don't we get what we "deserve", simply by earning it, ourselves -- or are there certain allowances within our lives that say we deserve something?

It's taken me almost 40 years to realize what my life-crisis has always been:  I have lost huge pieces of myself to all the adults who have once claimed me.  This is hard-core adoption-stuff, mixed with abuses that should no longer matter (but they DO).  With claim, comes blame...

Fate's free will to survive and thrive.

The choices we make determine the person we become.  But what about "the choices" that were made FOR us, setting us on a path detached and isolated from all that's safe and familiar?  How and why does misery stay alive for so long, when no one really wants to feel the discomforts of pain?

I read an article about a new-age pot demonstration, and I had to laugh at the code-word given to it:  "420".  The first thing that same to my mind was the phrase:  "They'll deep 6 the 420 in no time".  After all, pot can easily be confiscated and destroyed, eliminating the pesky drug problem for today's youthful population, right?

I have tried the therapy-route several times over, only to find the single-most annoying aspect of "reaching-out" to a stranger is realizing the ones who claim to have extensive psychological training don't know dipsey-doodle about adoption, abandonment and abuse issues as a single-experience.  Most morons would classify one (Adoption) as an unrelated issue to the more commonly-seen and widely accepted PTSD or bi-polar diagnosis that quickly gets linked to trauma and abuse.

Search "What is Reactive Attachment Disorder?" and you will find links that focus on the child, with very little mention that adults would have this condition.  It has been established that the majority of patients being treated for RAD are adoptees.  Imagine just how many adults in the United States have been adopted, and abused, and have the symptoms documented as RAD behaviors.  

I'm learning that I'm afraid of losing.  Losing more parts of myself to people who don't deserve the person I really am inside.

I try not to discuss religion with people, because I know it's a personal topic based on subjective knowledge of one's own denomination.  Religion far too often starts many heated debates, which in my mind ruins perfectly peaceful discussions.  It's not my wish or intention to start arguments.  My purpose is simple:  discuss the problems organized religion causes in terms of Bible interpretation, and how that influences family dynamics.  For instance, where in the Bible does God say the taking of another woman's baby (the fruit of a woman's womb) is a