Pound Pup Legacy

The folks at Survivors of Incest Annonymous wrote a very good article on the effects sexual abuse has on the adult survivor.  Although I can very easily relate to the various behavioral changes, I cannot wholly agree with this concept of "fantasy family" (as a coping strategy):

Boys, as well as girls, can be victims of sexual abuse. Anyone can be an abuser, especially if he is perceived by the child to be in authority, including brother, uncle, friend of the family, aunt, teacher -- the list is endless. However, for the sake of clarity, we will refer to the victim as a girl and the abuser as her father.

Some of the social maladjustments arising from incest are alcoholism, drug addiction, prostitution and promiscuity. Eating or sleeping disorders, migraines, back or stomach pains are just a few of the physical consequences that a victim may suffer. Food, sex, alcohol and/or drugs deaden painful memories of the abuse and expel reality temporarily. If a victim perceives obesity to be unattractive, and if she believes she was abused because she was pretty, a victim may overeat in a misguided attempt to defend herself from further sexual assault. "I felt like throwing up" is a common response among victims, and bulimia is a way of acting out that feeling. Anorexia is another form of self- punishment, eventually leading to the ultimate self-victimization, suicide.

There are many emotional problems emerging from the abuse, including inability to trust, perfectionism, phobias, avoidance of both intimacy and emotional bonding and more. The denial system that insured her survival as a child now prevents the survivor from enjoying an unencumbered adulthood.

She doesn't trust her own perceptions; she was forced to become an expert in disbelieving her own senses. She tries to convince herself that she overreacted that nothing really terrible happened: "My daddy would never REALLY hurt me." When reality is too painful for a child s mind, she learns to fictionalize. It is extremely painful to give up the fantasy family since children see themselves either in reflected glory or disgraced shadows. Therefore, the victim makes excuses for the abuser: "He was drunk at the time. He had it rough as a child." She takes responsibility for the assaults: "I was too pretty, too sexy." Her father probably reinforced her own nagging guilt and questions she had concerning her own innocence. Essentially, the victim defends her father by minimizing, rationalizing, and taking the blame on herself. If she continues to use these coping mechanisms as an adult, she is set up to be abused in her current relationships.  [http://www.siawso.org/Default.aspx?pageId=5143]

I can't ever remember being in a state-of denial, in terms of who did me wrong, and why.  My understanding of my own a.family-situation was very clear -- I was not liked or loved by some, and that caused huge personal problems.  When I began acting-out, it was assumed by my Amother that I was acting spiteful and "contrary to their teachings" because I was trying to hurt her.  Why?  Because she took me away from my biologic mother.  [It seems some priest told her I was exhibiting this so-called adoptee hostility because I needed to transfer the angry feelings I had towards my biologic mother onto her.  Little did this priest know what was taking place in this so-called loving adoptive home!]

Do most people really assume sexual abuse and parental neglect does not take place in foster/adoptive homes? 

How, exactly, is a person supposed to act and react if the loving, caring, perfect adoptive family is nothing more than a false fantasy image played for the sake of public approval?