abused adoptees
abuse in foster care
adoptees
adoption
adoption agencies
adoption industry
child abuse
child placement
Child Protective Services
children
child trafficking
China
family
foster care
Guatemala
humorous
international adoption
love
money
orphanages
orphans
parents
Russia
search and reunion
sexual abuse
social workers
United Kingdom
United States of America
Unlucky adoptions
A comment was made in a thread relating to Tina's video, "Adoption Hurts - Truth Ignored", and I believe it should have it's own focused attention.
i considered adoption a blessing to most and that i was just unlucky - up until THIS YEAR. http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/19734#comment-5581
I don't think I have ever seen my own adoption as a blessing, but like you, Suki, I could see/appreciate how others would view theirs as such. [Perhaps much of that has to do with NOT being abused or neglected by my (first) mom.]
If we are the products of our environment, and luck has more to do with brains and skill, where do the "lucky" sit within the child placement spectrum? For instance, my mother wasn't a skittish teen with a "crisis pregnancy". She was 26, well educated but not married. Was it lucky for her the Catholic church made adoption, (through a private agency), a workable child placement option for her? I don't know. I suppose I should feel lucky/grateful I wasn't aborted, but then after living with the consequences of abuse and Afamily rejection, I can't always articulate how I feel. [Yes, there are still many times in my life I am rendered completely speechless by the actions of others!]
I struggle with the concept of luck, because like everything else, it's constantly changing around me.
Who, among the adopted and then abused, actually feel lucky in love, life, or anything else?
- Add new comment
- 158 reads
Comments
Lucky and unlucky
When I revealed to my friends that I was abused by my adoptive father, they all said I was unlucky in my adoption. They just changed the word "lucky" to "unlucky".
Lucky and unlucky are two words that I don't accept anymore to talk about my adoption.
My adoption is not the result of luck/unluck. It is the result of Holts working for devil/God (you decide) to earn money, money and more money.
For those who seek
I agree with you in the sense that "luck" (or good fortune), can be found (through work) by those who seek it. It's all about finding "opportunity", and the Holts are by no means the only opportunists in the adoption industry. I think far too many people are trying to change futures in ways that benefit adults, (with big egos), without any interest in how these changes ultimately affect future generations.
So how does such "luck in success" work in favor of a child in need of a safe, protective family? How do we change the policies so those seeking power and money (through private and"non-profit" agencies) are eliminated? [Will ego always get in the way of child protective services?]
I hate to think of the number of required "unlucky adoptions" it takes to get the general public believing the system as it is growing and thriving needs to change.... radically. [The way I see it, if things continue as they have been going, adoption and foster care will be killing as many futures as they claim to be saving.]
why i hate luck
on other adoption boards, they call this acceptance and internalization of the message that we are "blessed" and adoption is a "blessing" as the ADOPTION FOG.
i lived this adoption fog for over four decades, and i am currently composing a video to address this very issue.
the problem with accepting this blanket propaganda and living its exception - and WHO KNOWS how many exceptions there are, and whether or not they really are exceptional- is that it leaves your exception as being an odd twist of fate, based on chance or luck.
that's a horrible, powerless place to be. we all do what we have to do and live life as if fateless, and we grow character because of it, but as the cascading and compounded effects of unrelenting bad luck shows its pathology, we are compelled to investigate the randomness of fate and luck and find that it is a myth.
these tragedies and (hopefully) our overcoming them, are all TOTALLY AVOIDABLE and are based on the decisions and actions of narcissistic zealots who seek validation through God's work or by being called parents. they are crimes, in my opinion, irrational and made in total disregard of the best interests of the child and the pain and suffering we must contend with for the rest of our lives.
i want all of us "unlucky" children of "fate" to come forward. only by doing that can the world begin to recognize the injustices done and the crimes committed. we international adoptees, especially, amount to a diaspora and deserve a mass apology fom the countries that sold us.
Being raised in America,
Being raised in America, naturally we think like an American while other countries think entirely different than we do. There are many countries who have thought that America is the best at everything because it is rich. They fell for America's plea for them to sell their children to us: money and a quick fix for a huge problem without them having to deal with the innocent children who were caught in the middle. But there comes a time when the results must be faced; the adult adoptee no longer is caught without a language or a say.
Of the countries that sold children to America, isn't it strange that Korea was one of the first and that the Holts started there? I would think Korea would start to see their children, full blood Koreans in a different light than the orphans of the war 50 years ago. America must stop solving the social problems of other countries since it has so many of its own that are not even being considered first!
One Step Up From Bottom,
Teddy