Tina... I love your videos because they always capture an essence of raw truth that often gets missed in long articles or threads.
The "Supply and Demand" side of adoption certainly seems to be lacking on the side of the adoptee's needs... ESPECIALLY when that adoptee needs medical or emotional support during the adult-years.
The surplus is not in loving opportunities for a child, but in ignorance and greed, and this pattern perpetuates itself in the form of bogus therapies and dangerous drugs given to the new generation of "mal-adapting" fostered/adopted children.
At some point, non-adopted adults have to start asking: "What are all these fostered/adopted adults crying about?"
Maybe then the dark-side of adoption will be revealed in it's full glory, and the children of the world will stop being the source of big-profits for those evil enough to think "God chose adoption for this child."
CHRISTMAS, 2002: I WENT TO VIETNAM ALONE TO SUBMIT MY DOSSIER. I LEFT TO COME HOME ON A FRIDAY AND THE COUNTRY SHUT DOWN INTERNATIONAL ADOPTIONS THE NEXT MONDAY.
DURING THE ALMOST FOUR YEARS IT WAS SHUT DOWN, THE MONEY HOLT HAD WENT TO HELP THE CHILDREN AND FAMILIES INSTEAD OF ADOPTIONS. LAST YEAR THEY OPENED UP AGAIN, BUT JUST FOR A SHORT TIME.
THINK ABOUT THE IRONY OF ALL THAT REAL HELP COMING WHEN THE COUNTRY WAS SHUT DOWN TO ADOPTIONS.
Tina, great work! And you hit the nail on the head. One of the main problems with intercountry adoptions is that the whole local child protection becomes corrupted by foreign adoption agencies. It puts everything upside down and leaves just one 'child protection' road open: the road to intercountry adoption. And it drags children into the system for no other reason than adoption. A full disgrace that the world lets this happen.
wow .. powerful video! one that not too many adoptive parents would take kindly too!
I think it's important to have voices like this video in the public arena to discuss adoption ... too many people see only the "saving an orphan" side of adoption .. until they sit in our shoes as an intercountry adoptee (and I would LOVE to see the voices of birth families and whether they really have options or not?), they really don't understand that yes, if we had stayed in our country we might be dead, but we might also not be - because as your video points out, if intercountry adoption wasn't such an easy option, then maybe these countries would look at other real solutions instead of making a quick buck and having to avoid spending to deal with the issues that cause the problem in the first place!
I know of one (there are more) other adoptive parent who KNOWS from her two adopted children that adoption is WRONG! She has two biological children and two adopted children. They are all grown (31,33,&34,35). They were the children of families who were alcoholics and drug users. They have RAD and are themselves struggling with alcohol, drugs, and the consequences of not forming a conscience (FAE). This AP has finally spoken up...
Until AP's are willing to forgo their pride and speak out about their own experiences, it seems this mission will continue in its infancy. It takes AP's like myself who have seen the destruction from within, and have spoken up outside of my safe zone to blast this thing wide open.... but how many who read here are willing to step forward and tell what they have really seen or know?
I'm not sure if AP's who have experienced successful adoptions will ever believe this other side of adoption;
mostly, those who have seen both sides would listen.
We are not all monsters... but I do admit to having married a monster who destroyed many lives; also that I am one of the thousands of selfish women who thought adoption would make me happy and complete. It didn't.
Nor did it do anything positive for three of my seven children. Two are yet young (9) and two are grown (19&20). And like it was said, it takes becoming an adult to fully realize all the damage adoption has done.
There are many adoptive parents who would agree with us here that adoption is not an answer... if they only would.
If you had stayed in your birth countries, with your own biological families, I believe you would have had more of what you were supposed to have been. Bitterness and anger can never help you become a complete person. I know from my past experience that it nearly killed me.
This video hit home to many here, but probably not to AP's; but as I read on here and listen, I'm seeing more and more examples of things that could/should appeal to an AP's conscience.
There should come a day when the world announces their sorrow for what they have done to so many children through adoption... it should start with the birth children of Harry and Bertha Holt.
I think it's critically important to openly discuss the problems adoption brings many families -- and stop acting as if it's the holy-grail to family/parenting problems.
I wholly agree, not ALL AP's are monsters... just like I don't believe all first-families were abusive, negligent or unfit to parent their own babies.
Until more know how coercion and corruption always did and currently exists in child placement, each child placed in foster care/orphanages/adoption are at risk for closet abuse. [I'd like to think PPL is uncovering the reality that adoptive homes can be just as hellish as any other abusive home-situation. Our list of abuse cases cover only the recent past., and what's covered in the papers. They do NOT include the adoptions that took place during the Closed Era of Adoption.]
I often wonder, what WOULD raise the awareness of corrupt adoptions? Would it take cut-throat, well educated lawyers to file massive class-action lawsuits against agencies like Holt? Would litigation bring open eyes to the problems so many innocent adoptees have had to face, for decades, (if not generations)?
What would it take to make child placement safe and sound, for all parties involved?
THIS is what it takes! I am humbled by this man who gets-it and is doing something about it. This is only the beginning and I'm so thankful that this was posted here to bring hope to the rest of us who get-it.
Is this also on You Tube? It needs to get as much airplay as possible. - With the word "adoption" in its title so people will find it.
I'd also like to say that it is not just unwed stigmatized birth mothers, that is the problem.
The problem is that adoption agencies are PREDATORS. and the countries are ENABLERS and COLLABORATORS to the extent that there is often no other options provided, save relinquishment, for families in crisis.
Someone cared for me for two full years before I was given up. I had a family. I can't fathom the conflicted emotions and pain of giving up a child you carried to term and developed a relationship with for two years.
As an adoptive mother but not a biological mother, I too can not fathom how anyone could give up their baby. The people who cared for you for two years gave of themselves and you became more a part of them. In you, I see and feel such emotions for what happened to you that I can only believe there are these emotions even in the uttermost parts of my two older sons who have a positive opinion of their adoptions. Because of you and what you share, I will always be watching and aware of what could suddenly become more real in their lives: the past and how it is a part of them now, and possibly more in their futures. Thank you for just being you.
yes, it will happen eventually - just like Tina says in her video.
even despite the abuse, i considered adoption a blessing to most and that i was just unlucky - up until THIS YEAR.
abandonment and trust are both issues that are pretty nebulous to a fighter like me, so it took some major boat rocking to get me to recognize them.
i didn't realize i had a family until i asked for my adoption records, after i'd figured out maybe adoption did have something to do with, well, EVERYTHING.
i'd always been told i was raised by a foster mom. so i thought i was given up at birth, but the records revealed i was given up at 2 years old and lived in an orphange for 9 months. just seemed like numbers at the time, but then a day later the meaning of my adoption date sunk in.
now, i'm less mad at my birthmother and more mad at Korea.
but mostly i'm mad at the human race for their infantile instant gratification without regard - on all sides of the triad.
makes me sad in general.
Comments
Surplus in ignorance and greed
Tina... I love your videos because they always capture an essence of raw truth that often gets missed in long articles or threads.
The "Supply and Demand" side of adoption certainly seems to be lacking on the side of the adoptee's needs... ESPECIALLY when that adoptee needs medical or emotional support during the adult-years.
The surplus is not in loving opportunities for a child, but in ignorance and greed, and this pattern perpetuates itself in the form of bogus therapies and dangerous drugs given to the new generation of "mal-adapting" fostered/adopted children.
At some point, non-adopted adults have to start asking: "What are all these fostered/adopted adults crying about?"
Maybe then the dark-side of adoption will be revealed in it's full glory, and the children of the world will stop being the source of big-profits for those evil enough to think "God chose adoption for this child."
After all, isn't money the ultimate "false-god"?
WHEN SHUT DOWN
CHRISTMAS, 2002: I WENT TO VIETNAM ALONE TO SUBMIT MY DOSSIER. I LEFT TO COME HOME ON A FRIDAY AND THE COUNTRY SHUT DOWN INTERNATIONAL ADOPTIONS THE NEXT MONDAY.
DURING THE ALMOST FOUR YEARS IT WAS SHUT DOWN, THE MONEY HOLT HAD WENT TO HELP THE CHILDREN AND FAMILIES INSTEAD OF ADOPTIONS. LAST YEAR THEY OPENED UP AGAIN, BUT JUST FOR A SHORT TIME.
THINK ABOUT THE IRONY OF ALL THAT REAL HELP COMING WHEN THE COUNTRY WAS SHUT DOWN TO ADOPTIONS.
IN A WORLD OF WHY,
Teddy
Adoption agencies financing child protection
Tina, great work! And you hit the nail on the head. One of the main problems with intercountry adoptions is that the whole local child protection becomes corrupted by foreign adoption agencies. It puts everything upside down and leaves just one 'child protection' road open: the road to intercountry adoption. And it drags children into the system for no other reason than adoption. A full disgrace that the world lets this happen.
adoption hurts - truth ignored
A superb video Tina, well done. Brian.
wow .. powerful video! one
wow .. powerful video! one that not too many adoptive parents would take kindly too!
I think it's important to have voices like this video in the public arena to discuss adoption ... too many people see only the "saving an orphan" side of adoption .. until they sit in our shoes as an intercountry adoptee (and I would LOVE to see the voices of birth families and whether they really have options or not?), they really don't understand that yes, if we had stayed in our country we might be dead, but we might also not be - because as your video points out, if intercountry adoption wasn't such an easy option, then maybe these countries would look at other real solutions instead of making a quick buck and having to avoid spending to deal with the issues that cause the problem in the first place!
Regards Lynelle www.icasn.org/
I am that adoptive parent who listens and cares...
I know of one (there are more) other adoptive parent who KNOWS from her two adopted children that adoption is WRONG! She has two biological children and two adopted children. They are all grown (31,33,&34,35). They were the children of families who were alcoholics and drug users. They have RAD and are themselves struggling with alcohol, drugs, and the consequences of not forming a conscience (FAE). This AP has finally spoken up...
Until AP's are willing to forgo their pride and speak out about their own experiences, it seems this mission will continue in its infancy. It takes AP's like myself who have seen the destruction from within, and have spoken up outside of my safe zone to blast this thing wide open.... but how many who read here are willing to step forward and tell what they have really seen or know?
I'm not sure if AP's who have experienced successful adoptions will ever believe this other side of adoption;
mostly, those who have seen both sides would listen.
We are not all monsters... but I do admit to having married a monster who destroyed many lives; also that I am one of the thousands of selfish women who thought adoption would make me happy and complete. It didn't.
Nor did it do anything positive for three of my seven children. Two are yet young (9) and two are grown (19&20). And like it was said, it takes becoming an adult to fully realize all the damage adoption has done.
There are many adoptive parents who would agree with us here that adoption is not an answer... if they only would.
If you had stayed in your birth countries, with your own biological families, I believe you would have had more of what you were supposed to have been. Bitterness and anger can never help you become a complete person. I know from my past experience that it nearly killed me.
This video hit home to many here, but probably not to AP's; but as I read on here and listen, I'm seeing more and more examples of things that could/should appeal to an AP's conscience.
There should come a day when the world announces their sorrow for what they have done to so many children through adoption... it should start with the birth children of Harry and Bertha Holt.
One Step Up From Bottom,
Teddy
Past and Present
I think it's critically important to openly discuss the problems adoption brings many families -- and stop acting as if it's the holy-grail to family/parenting problems.
I wholly agree, not ALL AP's are monsters... just like I don't believe all first-families were abusive, negligent or unfit to parent their own babies.
Until more know how coercion and corruption always did and currently exists in child placement, each child placed in foster care/orphanages/adoption are at risk for closet abuse. [I'd like to think PPL is uncovering the reality that adoptive homes can be just as hellish as any other abusive home-situation. Our list of abuse cases cover only the recent past., and what's covered in the papers. They do NOT include the adoptions that took place during the Closed Era of Adoption.]
I often wonder, what WOULD raise the awareness of corrupt adoptions? Would it take cut-throat, well educated lawyers to file massive class-action lawsuits against agencies like Holt? Would litigation bring open eyes to the problems so many innocent adoptees have had to face, for decades, (if not generations)?
What would it take to make child placement safe and sound, for all parties involved?
TRACK
Interesting initiative of the adult Korean adoptees by the way: Truth and Reconcilliation for the Adoption Community of Korea.
I don't know how to upload the video, but here you can see an adoptive father who saw the light:
http://adoptionjustice.typepad.com/
There is hope...
THIS is what it takes! I am humbled by this man who gets-it and is doing something about it. This is only the beginning and I'm so thankful that this was posted here to bring hope to the rest of us who get-it.
One Step Up From Bottom,
Teddy
Awesome.
Is this also on You Tube? It needs to get as much airplay as possible. - With the word "adoption" in its title so people will find it.
I'd also like to say that it is not just unwed stigmatized birth mothers, that is the problem.
The problem is that adoption agencies are PREDATORS. and the countries are ENABLERS and COLLABORATORS to the extent that there is often no other options provided, save relinquishment, for families in crisis.
Someone cared for me for two full years before I was given up. I had a family. I can't fathom the conflicted emotions and pain of giving up a child you carried to term and developed a relationship with for two years.
Yes, adoption hurts - it hurts everyone.
How can anyone do it
As an adoptive mother but not a biological mother, I too can not fathom how anyone could give up their baby. The people who cared for you for two years gave of themselves and you became more a part of them. In you, I see and feel such emotions for what happened to you that I can only believe there are these emotions even in the uttermost parts of my two older sons who have a positive opinion of their adoptions. Because of you and what you share, I will always be watching and aware of what could suddenly become more real in their lives: the past and how it is a part of them now, and possibly more in their futures. Thank you for just being you.
One Step Up From Bottom,
Teddy
you're smart
yes, it will happen eventually - just like Tina says in her video.
even despite the abuse, i considered adoption a blessing to most and that i was just unlucky - up until THIS YEAR.
abandonment and trust are both issues that are pretty nebulous to a fighter like me, so it took some major boat rocking to get me to recognize them.
i didn't realize i had a family until i asked for my adoption records, after i'd figured out maybe adoption did have something to do with, well, EVERYTHING.
i'd always been told i was raised by a foster mom. so i thought i was given up at birth, but the records revealed i was given up at 2 years old and lived in an orphange for 9 months. just seemed like numbers at the time, but then a day later the meaning of my adoption date sunk in.
now, i'm less mad at my birthmother and more mad at Korea.
but mostly i'm mad at the human race for their infantile instant gratification without regard - on all sides of the triad.
makes me sad in general.
Dr. Richard Boas speaks on Korean unwed moms