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What in the world could I possibly be thinking when I read this?

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Wed, 2008-05-21 13:20 - Kerry

I have an unnatural need to know what makes a healthy-relationship So.  Call it obsession, call it addiction, call it having-too-much-time-on-my-hands, but the quest for wholeness in my mind goes far beyond my laundry-list of adoption issues -- my quest is simply all rooted and stemed from them!

So... I find the following article written by a man, (I'm assuming, but these days, who knows anymore?).  And he offers some friendly advice in terms of finding/attracting a certain-type of female.

Ok, I'm female, and I like a good game of cat-and-mouse, so my ears are perked, ready to see what this guy has to offer.  If nothing else, I think it's a fun ride to read through the mind of a "dating-expert".  Many a good laugh I have had at the expense of these poor bastards.  This will be my first public-pouncing... this is what I found:  (personal comments by me will be seen in italic print)

"What to wear to make Asian women stalk you everywhere you go"  True line, go see for yourself:  By Tu Tran, http://ezinearticles.com/index.php?What-To-Wear-To-Make-Asian-Women-Stalk-You-Everywhere-You-Go&id=1046064

If you want to attract Asian Woman that you really like, think about what kind of man she wants to be with. Uhhh, a man who would love and respect her for who she is?  For example, let's say this woman likes a man that is educated and is relatively wealthy. OOOOOOOH, you mean let's be really superficial about this hunt... OK! On your date night, wear a nice flashy business suit and make sure your hair is proper and slick. Because slick hair means you are... you have... slick, what?

In addition, if you want to attract a girl that is fun and interesting, wear something flashy and bright. Because apparently Asian women find bright flashy things magical and fun to play with, and it keeps them quietly ammused? Try to stand out from the crowd. These girls like you to be unique. So don't too many men read this article, please, it will lessen the chance of a man finding his Asian Woman. So if you have some quirky personality, don't hide it - show it. Use your negatives as positives. Boring clothes and hairstyles will only attract boring girls. True, women can't see beyond a man's clothing; we're stupid. We're not nearly as imaginative or creative as a slick-haired guy wearing flashy clothes! 

.... yes that's me making a loud colorful response.

You don't want to look like you just finished working on your car with grease and dirt on your clothes. Think rationally. A common saying is what a man wears is what's his personality is going to be.  A man of many moods, confused-sious says.  Key phrase here is "GOING to be like"... so Asian women seem to like men who change personality as quickly as they change clothes?  

Also, Asian woman would notice small things like snipping your nostril hairs and that you have just shaved. I think there's a WORLD of women who notice fur from the nares, but hey, what do I know about grooming, compared to THIS guy? They like men who looks after themselves. They don't like to date guys that look like a poor vagrant. Make sure you don't put too much cologne. The smell can overpower women and it makes you look like you tried to hard.  I will allow a moment of silence for this understatement, because he really earned it, didn't he?

There is two important things that any men should always do: Always take a shower! A lot of men have very bad body odor and any woman with common sense will runaway from these guys immediately. The other thing they should do is to make sure they don't have bad breath. If you can't brush your teeth for some reason, buy some chewing gum.  At this point, I'm really concerned about this guy's reading audience....

All of things are easy to fix and if you follow the above advice, you have no problems attracting Asian women.  Amazing, isn't it?

So what did I learn about Asian women?  It seems there are a lot of wackos on the hunt, hoping to find a non-speaking subservient sex-slave who doesn't mind body odor and nostril hair.  NICE!

I think I found my new hobby:  hunting for more really bad "friendly dating-advice" articles.  (It's an easy kill!)  Anyone else want to join me in the game?   (We can go both-ways in the dating circle!) 

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Comments

Fri, 2008-05-23 12:44 — Kerry

Ah... another gentle soul...

I found a guy who should read the above advice.  I think this time, I'll be bold with my responses... 

By Alex White
Relationship Correspondent - Every other Monday

Have you ever noticed that the worst advice you get about winning women over usually comes from women themselves?  No, actually moron men seem to win that award.  Women are famous for not knowing what they want.  It must be the from all the rule-changes that happen when a man decides if he's going to be honest, or horney.

They say they want a nice guy, but follow jerk-offs like lemmings. Hmm.  Let's visualize what "Following a  jerk-off like lemmings" looks like.  I'll need a momet to absorb that visual....  I'm thinking it's a salt-water-attraction. They say they want flowers, poems and gifts, but get turned off if the wrong guy sends them a birthday card.  Maybe it was the wrong card.  Seems this guy has a few issues to go with his tissues.

Clearly, they don't understand their needs or their triggers. So lets's go cocked and fully loaded and see what happens:

Follow these hints and you'll soon learn to wade through the deluge of useless feminine advice to find the real nuggets of wisdom. ... I'm sensing this outta be GOOD!

advice to make more friends

The female friends in your life will often tell you to lay all your feelings out on the table. "Tell her how you feel," "Be a nice guy" and "Don't sleep with her right away."

Their advice will get you more girl friends, but sadly, no bedmates. <laughing>  CLEARLY there is a difference between wanting/finding a girlFRIEND, and wanting/finding a simple bed-mate.  Different advice, for different request.  I think this guy needs to make-up his mind what he wants!

They mean well, but truth be told, they're setting you up to look like a chump. NAH!  I think angry desperate people can do that all by themselves, after all, you are what you think, right?  Because when you play Mr. Nice Guy and open all her doors and sleep on the couch, you're not making a lover -- you're making a friend. And a boring one at that! Who says a date has to be boring, and what guy STAYS to sleep on the couch -- only to piss and moan about it later?  (just curious....) Your female buddies might think they're helping you out, but they're really just sending another hapless calf off to slaughter.  Imagine, being used like an unfeeling piece of meat!

even mom doesn't get it

"Just be yourself" sounds nice when mom says it, doesn't it? No... not if you don't know who you really are inside. And we know she wants the best for us, but we need to a draw a distinction in this piece of advice. Don't just be yourself, please yourself. The Mom-Version of that advice is this:  do what makes you a happy person.  If you're happy, you will be the best version of the person you already are.  (Moms just forget how easy it is to lose yourself... we're funny that way) That means going after the woman you want and being open about your motives, with no apologies!  Anyone see storming sex written all over that one? 

Simply "being" is not enough; you need to be a man of action. Mom can't give good advice until she lets go of her image of you as a "nice little boy."  And not the sex-freak you have become.

ex-girlfriends suck

We have to be wary of the exes' "tips," as these characters will either tell you what you want to hear to get you to move on, and OFF their couch or they'll wreck your chances of replacing them well, some men DO go well with the rest of the furniture, especially if they bring food with them... hey, we're not STUPID.. Ex-girlfriends will tell you things like, "The harder you look, the less you find," and "Maybe you shouldn't date anyone for a while."  <HINT HINT, horn-dog!>

This is hardly any consolation to a depressed, horny guy. BINGO!  And I defy you to find me an ex-girlfriend who wants you to start dating a girl who is much hotter than she is. If a woman no longer has "those feelings" towards a man, there's no room for spite or jealousy, is there?  Your exes can't give good advice because their egos are involved. Or maybe an ex-girlfriend is trying to protect the innocent, as a singular civic-duty sorta thing. 

Gurus suck, so you gotta make sure you know what women want...

female self-help gurus

A quick read through internet sites and self-help books reveals an unsettling trend: Following the advice of self-dubbed gurus actually weakens your power in the dating game. Many of these self-help coaches dish out tips like "Be more sensitive to her needs" and "Be romantic." Their advice seems to focus on men changing themselves to suit women's needs, all the while ignoring their own. Yeah, I don't think so. If only there was dating advice for the man who wants only sex,  more sex, and a warm place to sleep other than a couch!  <DAMN this world and all it's ill-serving advice!>

They'll tell you communication is more important than wealth or looks. But if you open up and give away all your desires, dreams and fears, don't expect your woman to hang around for too long.   Hmm... dumping an arsenal of information versus slowly revealing life-stories... hmmm, which seems safer?  If you're not mysterious, you're no longer a challenge, and she will move on.  Let me translate for this poor hapless soul:  "mystery" in a relationship means each is supplying a slow-unfolding of personal facts that keep the other person's interest.... like reading "a good mystery", each visit with the person keeps you wanting more. If all you have to offer is a single piece of paper that shows no future depth, what's the point in going on?  [Big mystery THERE, eh Sherlock?]

One popular female dating coach tells men to fill in any awkward silences by delivering a compliment. Now come on; any experienced player knows to give compliments sparingly, if at all. <laughing> Oh I love this guy!  What a card! You can't inflate their heads with insincere compliments just because you ran out of things to say. They have to earn the compliments. Like the dogs that they are, dammit! 

Another dating pundit advises men be to be decisive because indecisive men won't be able to handle a wife and family. Is it possible to raise the stakes any higher? Jeez, talk about pressure. Pressure in both heads... <decisions, decisions, which way to follow????>  Yes, it must be awful.  <rolling eyes>

And these experts say to always have plans on a date, forgetting that predictable men turn women off faster than The Clapper. Actually I think The Clap is what turns a woman off, REAL fast! The secret is to prepare for a date (such as making a reservation at a restaurant), but make it appear spontaneous and fun. How much "advice" does this dude read???  I'm thinking he's got QUITE a magazine collection...

The truth is that the "experts" can't get down and dirty because their loyalties are not to you,(Captain Sex-Hound) but to the women (who can one day become pregnant) you are trying to chase. By sabotaging guys, they make life easier for the ladies. And yes, ladies, he's got us pegged, we DO have an easy life, what with sex-stalkers hunting us down and fear of disease and unplanned pregnancy issues, it seems someone has to do all the doing and someone has to do all the thinking....  Oh if only both tasks could be SHARED!   Oh sweet glittering ruby-red-shoes, where are you?!?   [Think this guy was an angry lonely child?]

women's utter confusion

Sometimes you even muster up the courage to ask a girl what she wants, what attracts her and what turns her on. However, this straight-up approach usually gets you a less-than-straight answer. Why do I get the feeling this guys asks these sort of questions like an interrogator?  I bet he keeps a flashlight ... and rope...in his car. You might get a list of qualities, like "nice, romantic, generous, polite, listens more than he talks, financially secure, remembers birthdays, and appreciates the finer things"  -- qualities that have been glaringly absent in her last five boyfriends. Correction, last SIX guys she dared to date.

When women discuss what they want in a man, remember that they might not be fully aware of what really turns them on. OOOOOH... he wanted turn-ons, not what a girl wants!  Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids (and apparently, hunters on the prowl, too).  Who said "all's fair in love and war"?.... HA!

chuck bad female advice

Precious few females encourage men to snag women with a combination of cockiness and a biting sense of humor. Yea, I wanna to be SNAGGED by a cocky man who likes to laugh at women.... that's sounds so cool, doesn't it?!  Some of the better advice includes not needing to spend too much money on a date, and developing and exuding authentic confidence.  Confidence is in the conversation, you either have it or you don't... but are you willing to try anyway?  THAT's the real rule behind this silly game.

The best dating advice women can give you is to be honest, assertive and respectful, but not to roll over and act like a wimp. Always hold a little something back. Like the gun or baseball bat.  Actually, I think "holding back" means don't just plow-forward like a dumbass, but what do I know about dating women? 

If you heed bad female dating wisdom, (an oxymoron if I ever saw one) you'll be a very confused and uncertain man. Don't be that guy. Meaning him, I'm hoping. Women want challenging, confident, mystery-engulfed men. "MYSTERY ENGULFED MEN"?!?  I don't know what that means, exactly, but it reads well. Unfortunately, they are often unwilling or unable to tell you. Or maybe they're unwilling to face it. I think it's safe to say most women are afraid to face a sex-starved psychopath man... but that's not saying there isn't hope for this guy, or his ilk....

 <whew!>   I wonder just how much a guy (who writes-like-this) relates to the lyrics in the song "Diary of Jane" ?http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/2854 

I think I just earned a drink! 

Mon, 2008-05-26 13:38 — Kerry

What's THIS... a KEEPER?

Dating advice for shy guys

By Tim and Michael Burke

As a shy guy, you’ve probably heard more than an earful of advice on how to bust out of your timid shell and engage women in witty repartee. Sure, these gregarious mentors may mean well, but they often forget that it’s not easy to change who you are. Think of it in basketball terms. If your team lacks height, you don’t repeatedly try to go inside. No, you use your speed, passing and outside shooting to beat the competition. Same goes with dating: Play up your strengths, and you’ll improve your odds of romantic success. Here’s how to do just that.

Be eye-catchingly honest
Remember George Costanza’s approach in Seinfeld: “My name is George. I’m unemployed and live with my parents.” [Seinfeld's Opposite episode: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjsThJQQJxw]  Hey, it worked for him. So why not try being straight up with women? Tell them you’re not much of a player. David Wells, 31, confirms, “When I was younger, I made the mistake of thinking I had to act suave,” he says. But since then, he’s upfront about the fact that he’s shy. “A lot of women think it’s charming!” he says.

Ask for help
Damsels in distress have been doing this for years; there’s no reason guys can’t take advantage of women’s desire to swoop in and save the day, too. Just be sure to pick a topic on which women will feel they can offer some assistance. You’ll rarely go wrong seeking style advice (“Excuse me, but I need a woman’s opinion on this jacket. Is it a keeper, or should it never leave my closet again?”) or relationships (“Hey, my pal and I need a woman’s perspective on how long a guy should wait before calling after a date. What’s your opinion?”). Asking for advice will diffuse the pressure of it being a pickup.

Choose your venue wisely
It’s much easier to meet and talk to women in places where there’s something to talk about. That’s why shy guys may be better off skipping your typical bar or café and attending a place with conversation-worthy surroundings, like an art gallery or charity function. “Did you enter the silent auction?” “What do you think about that painting?” Your icebreakers are already built-in. Plus, you’re not some random guy. You’re “a guy at this event,” which will allay her defenses and work in your favor.

Just add a question mark
You’re starting to get to know this woman and suddenly you can’t think of what to say. Here’s an easy solution. Simply repeat the last notable thing she said and place a question mark after it. “Oh, you work as a female professional wrestler; what’s it like??” Bingo.

Bring your best wingman
There are guys who can help you meet women. And there are guys who will do the exact opposite. Go out to the bars or wherever with the former. If he’s married, that can be even better. Married guys are not competition, and they prove you have responsible friends.

Let others do your dirty work
Can’t bring yourself to move your feet in her direction, smile, and say hi? Enlist someone else to do the icebreaking honors for you. Ask a waiter, bartender, or your wingman pal to approach the woman to deliver a drink or a compliment like, “My friend thinks you’re cute. Care to join us?”

Utilize today’s technology to air your opinions
If talking face-to-face doesn’t show you at your best, go ahead and lean on all that technology has to offer. A thoughtful, well-crafted email can convince a woman that you have plenty to say even if you didn’t chatter non-stop in person. For bonus points, refer to something she mentioned during your last date by saying, “I’ve given more thought to the conversation we had about your sister, and something else came to mind that I thought might be useful…” Then let those typed words weave their magic.

Take an acting or improv class  ok, this one is strange... because real inner comfort and confidence is earned, not taught.... but if Acting School and role-play is for you, hey, who am I to judge?  I just know after a "perfect performance", that curtain will eventually go down.  I think audience acceptance and personal approval are often two different things....
First encounters are very similar to auditions. She plays her role. You play yours. And the more comfortable and capable you are, the better you’ll be during this encounter. As Alex Fendrich, an actor at Chicago’s Second City, puts it: “Improv helps you get used to making an idiot of yourself.” Perfect for dating. News Flash:  when it comes to love and dating, we're ALL idiots!

Listen
What a novel concept this is: Instead of focusing on “What am I going to say next?” or “How am I going to make her laugh?” Just pay attention to what she’s talking about, and chances are good that you’ll come up with a relevant response.

Seek out the yin to your yang
If you’re not much of a talker, someone who yaks up a storm may well love spending time with you. You know the old “opposites attract” adage. And how Jerry Maguire professed, “You complete me.” Be her best audience ever, and trust us, she’ll keep coming back for more.

Tim Burke and Michael Burke are the co-authors of Die Happy: 499 Things Every Guy’s Gotta Do While He Still Can.

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.