Why the push to become pregnant and have a baby?
I've been reading blogs written by married women who are devestated they can't become pregnant. [See "Infertility Diaries" at http://www.redbookmag.com/your/infertility/ for some funny stuff...]
Leaving all the emotional-baggage, and snide-comments about the circle-of-life aside, I find it quite disturbing how outsiders of a marriage bring-up the baby-question, asking "When is it your turn?", as if it's a couple's moral duty to provide offspring for their tradition-loving families. [I personally think a baby should be seen as an Unexpected Gift, not an Expectation, but then I'm adopted and have four home-grown heathens of my own -- what do I know?]
Is fruitful multiplication (through the loins) the best a woman has to offer the world, or has family-making become a toxic generational-buzz that keeps females doubting their own self-worth as loving, nurturing beings? I sure as hell (would like to) think a woman can be valued as being "special" without having to become a mother to prove it. In fact, I think there would be many happier couples and families in this world if the pressure to become pregnant after marriage wasn't as strong as it seems to be.
What makes "having a baby" make women seem super-sufficent, yet not having one indicates sheer-failure? (anyone?)
Comments
I feel that way.
I don't have children and I feel like a failure and incomplete but I don't know why.
True to Tradition
I was 23 when I got married. I was 24 when I first got pregnant and 25 when I had my first for four children. My choices/actions reflect a sense of duty and obligation I had to others, not myself. I had to lie about my dislike for children, and I had to fake my desire to be married with lots of babies. I'm told people get what they deserve.
I believe God is funny (in that evil-sorta-way that makes Him, HIM)... He Gives as he chooses, waiting to see how we use our own strength and willingness to grow. It's own own choices that can either make or break our own sense of wholeness and happiness.
I think many of us forget the natural gifts and talents we are born with. I know as a child, I never felt like I knew myself, because my aparents were always telling me what I liked, and keeping me from the things I did like. It wasn't until I was alone and scared out of my mind that I realized, "I DO have natural talents, and they have NOTHING to do with what I was taught."
I believe all things happen for a Reason and Purpose, and self-discovery is done best when we're hurting.
I think the wost thing a woman can do is use a child as a filler for something that's still lacking inside. I know, because it's become the story of my life.
The Big Question is: do you think you live for yourself and your own personal dreams or do you live for others, hoping happiness can be found that way?