Growing-up, I had a series of "best friends", all unshared and all to myself. In order for the friendship to end, one of two things had to happen: either the girl and her family would move away, or she would invite other girls to join us when we'd get together. I hated getting lost in a crowd, so "groups" were never my thing. My mother had a "no one comes inside" policy at our house, and rarely would she ever drive me to see a friend, so going someplace, within walking distance, and feeling like I was welcomed and special, meant the world to me. I lived to leave that quiet empty house, and dreaded coming back.
I wasn't allowed to go to any parties in high-school, and my dad had a rule that I could not start dating until I was 16. Thankfully, he changed his mind a year early, and allowed me to date this one boy when I was 15. He was 18, a football player and best-friends with a notoriously Christian family in our gossiping community, so he was deemed "safe". And he was. We "dated" no more than a month or two, and we broke-up because I didn't want to get too physical with him. Looking back, the innocence of him meeting me after class and walking me to my next classroom, and attending basketball games and bonfires drinking hot apple cider is enough to bring tears to my eyes. He was in all aspects, a really Good Guy.
I was very lucky in that sense, the boyfriends I had at home were all really Nice, Good Guys. Each one came to the door, spoke to my parents, and each one treated me to wonderful dinners, movies and walks in the park. Funny how at the time, I didn't feel like I was all that popular in the dating-scene, but compared to friends of mine, I must have looked like a had a new guy everytime they saw me. What they didn't see was how important it was for me to get out and be away from my family. No one saw my need to escape like I did, so that became a secret-self that made sure no one would see the many troubled sides of me. I needed to be normal, and being liked by nice boys was the only way I could see myself as being likable.
I loved going out on dates; I knew how to behave, and I really appreciated the time spent away from my typical lonely days. Dating was wonderful; relationships are what ruined me. The problem for me was simple -- I could never allow myself to fit-in any close group of friends or family, because the stress of maintaining a normal family-facade would become far too much work for me. I knew, things were never as they seemed, so I was better-off keeping myself as distant and detached as possible.
I had a lot of sex, but very few dates. It's like a switch would go off the moment someone showed an interest in me, and sex was the answer. If someone was interested, my body was willing to be taken, and my mind had to go someplace else.
I don't know how many adult-adoptees can relate to this, but looking back, I can see how all my dating choices had one thing in-common: I kept looking for someone who would provide me protection, and keep me safe from the insanity that was within my adoptive family. I would even go so far as knowing I could never trust females, so somewhere in my mind I felt like only an older male could do the job for me.
There was nothing worse than being alone and lonely, especially among those who called themselves My Family.
If I was going to "belong" to someone, let it be MY choice.... even if my choices weren't always so smart.
What is dating? I lived on the streets for most my life.. dating..ah i guess that is where we break into a movie theater and try to sleep somewhere warm perhaps?
Ok, that might win Worst WAY to Date... but I was thinking more along the lines of psycho-dates... the kind of people who boil bunnies or think it's completely natural to invite a stranger into the woods for a first meeting.
Those are always fun stories to read, donchya think?
No I learned at a young age to stick to myself... lol... I have seen my friends go threw some pretty crazy stuff with woman.... I choose to learn for their mistakes...lol....
Don't me me wrong I had female friends that shared their experiences... I have learned some very interesting life lessons from both...
I've always been drawn to very strong personalities... both loud and silent-types. You can tell, in the eyes of a person, what has been seen throughout his life... cheerful brightness, or dark despair?
Contrary to popular book-selling opinion, Love and Loss are not the same experience for each human being. The timing and severity of a sudden traumatic event alters the surviving victim's vision of the world in ways that overshadows all brightness seen before. The eyes become lost and dull; detached from all that can be lost again. Colors have a whole new hue and meaning in these types of conversations.
I really like colorful people... some of the stories shared with me have been UNBELIEVABLE, proving loss has a depth and scope few can begin to imagine.
What scares me are the people who show no color in their eyes... these are sneaky people without a moral compass or conscience. These humans are sneaking vultures and wolves in sheep's and dove's clothing.
Nothing scares me more than a manipulating predator. It's a look that can not be mistaken. Blankeness. Clear blankness is seen in both eyes. It's clear not a conscious thought is taking place inside. <shudder>
I think in this sense, it's much harder for females to feel safe; they can easily get trapped if they're not watching what's going on, (making some behaviors seem really inappropriate or crazy). Men have built-in escapes. They're programmed to run and keep moving. Women are programmed to sit and stay... often not willing to escape because she is needed by another.
Is there anything scarier than a female predator, who manipulates and fakes her fangs until she becomes a child's mother?
In those cases, the dating cycle gets turned onto the newest piece of innocent prey.
Comments
Dating Escapes
Growing-up, I had a series of "best friends", all unshared and all to myself. In order for the friendship to end, one of two things had to happen: either the girl and her family would move away, or she would invite other girls to join us when we'd get together. I hated getting lost in a crowd, so "groups" were never my thing. My mother had a "no one comes inside" policy at our house, and rarely would she ever drive me to see a friend, so going someplace, within walking distance, and feeling like I was welcomed and special, meant the world to me. I lived to leave that quiet empty house, and dreaded coming back.
I wasn't allowed to go to any parties in high-school, and my dad had a rule that I could not start dating until I was 16. Thankfully, he changed his mind a year early, and allowed me to date this one boy when I was 15. He was 18, a football player and best-friends with a notoriously Christian family in our gossiping community, so he was deemed "safe". And he was. We "dated" no more than a month or two, and we broke-up because I didn't want to get too physical with him. Looking back, the innocence of him meeting me after class and walking me to my next classroom, and attending basketball games and bonfires drinking hot apple cider is enough to bring tears to my eyes. He was in all aspects, a really Good Guy.
I was very lucky in that sense, the boyfriends I had at home were all really Nice, Good Guys. Each one came to the door, spoke to my parents, and each one treated me to wonderful dinners, movies and walks in the park. Funny how at the time, I didn't feel like I was all that popular in the dating-scene, but compared to friends of mine, I must have looked like a had a new guy everytime they saw me. What they didn't see was how important it was for me to get out and be away from my family. No one saw my need to escape like I did, so that became a secret-self that made sure no one would see the many troubled sides of me. I needed to be normal, and being liked by nice boys was the only way I could see myself as being likable.
I loved going out on dates; I knew how to behave, and I really appreciated the time spent away from my typical lonely days. Dating was wonderful; relationships are what ruined me. The problem for me was simple -- I could never allow myself to fit-in any close group of friends or family, because the stress of maintaining a normal family-facade would become far too much work for me. I knew, things were never as they seemed, so I was better-off keeping myself as distant and detached as possible.
nothing personal, it's just sex
I had a lot of sex, but very few dates. It's like a switch would go off the moment someone showed an interest in me, and sex was the answer. If someone was interested, my body was willing to be taken, and my mind had to go someplace else.
The Female-Side of Things
I don't know how many adult-adoptees can relate to this, but looking back, I can see how all my dating choices had one thing in-common: I kept looking for someone who would provide me protection, and keep me safe from the insanity that was within my adoptive family. I would even go so far as knowing I could never trust females, so somewhere in my mind I felt like only an older male could do the job for me.
There was nothing worse than being alone and lonely, especially among those who called themselves My Family.
If I was going to "belong" to someone, let it be MY choice.... even if my choices weren't always so smart.
What is dating? I lived on
What is dating? I lived on the streets for most my life.. dating..ah i guess that is where we break into a movie theater and try to sleep somewhere warm perhaps?
Oh sure, kill it for the rest of us!
<laughing>
Ok, that might win Worst WAY to Date... but I was thinking more along the lines of psycho-dates... the kind of people who boil bunnies or think it's completely natural to invite a stranger into the woods for a first meeting.
Those are always fun stories to read, donchya think?
No I learned at a young age
No I learned at a young age to stick to myself... lol... I have seen my friends go threw some pretty crazy stuff with woman.... I choose to learn for their mistakes...lol....
Don't me me wrong I had female friends that shared their experiences... I have learned some very interesting life lessons from both...
People are very.... colorful...
Shapes and Colors
I had to laugh at the "colorful" comment.
I've always been drawn to very strong personalities... both loud and silent-types. You can tell, in the eyes of a person, what has been seen throughout his life... cheerful brightness, or dark despair?
Contrary to popular book-selling opinion, Love and Loss are not the same experience for each human being. The timing and severity of a sudden traumatic event alters the surviving victim's vision of the world in ways that overshadows all brightness seen before. The eyes become lost and dull; detached from all that can be lost again. Colors have a whole new hue and meaning in these types of conversations.
I really like colorful people... some of the stories shared with me have been UNBELIEVABLE, proving loss has a depth and scope few can begin to imagine.
What scares me are the people who show no color in their eyes... these are sneaky people without a moral compass or conscience. These humans are sneaking vultures and wolves in sheep's and dove's clothing.
Nothing scares me more than a manipulating predator. It's a look that can not be mistaken. Blankeness. Clear blankness is seen in both eyes. It's clear not a conscious thought is taking place inside. <shudder>
I think in this sense, it's much harder for females to feel safe; they can easily get trapped if they're not watching what's going on, (making some behaviors seem really inappropriate or crazy). Men have built-in escapes. They're programmed to run and keep moving. Women are programmed to sit and stay... often not willing to escape because she is needed by another.
Is there anything scarier than a female predator, who manipulates and fakes her fangs until she becomes a child's mother?
In those cases, the dating cycle gets turned onto the newest piece of innocent prey.