Puppy Love is a baby-step

from: www.slate.com

Why People Love Dogs

It's more complicated than you think.

By Jon Katz
Updated Monday, Feb. 12, 2007, at 7:17 AM ET

My friend and fellow dog lover Edie, an occupational therapist in Massachusetts, has been looking for a mate for nearly 10 years. She finally thought she'd found one in Jeff, a nice guy, generous and funny, who teaches high school. They dated for several months, and just as there was talk about a future, it occurred to Edie that Jeff hadn't really bonded with her yellow Lab, Sophie. In fact, as she thought more about it, she wasn't sure Jeff was a dog guy at all.

She confronted him about this at dinner one night, and he confessed, in some anguish, that he didn't love Sophie, didn't love dogs in general, never had.

They broke up the next week. More accurately, she dumped him. "What can I say?" Edie told me, somewhat defensively. "Sophie has been there for me, day in and day out, for years. I can't say the same of men. She's my girl, my baby. Sooner or later, it would have ended."

Having just spent two months on a book tour talking to dog lovers across the country, I can testify that this story isn't unusual. The lesson Edie gleaned, she says, was that she should have asked about Sophie first, not last.

In America, we love our dogs. A lot. So much that we rarely wonder why anymore.

This, perhaps, is why God created academics.

John Archer, a psychologist at the University of Central Lancashire, has been puzzling for some time over why people love their pets. In evolutionary terms, love for dogs and other pets "poses a problem," he writes. Being attached to animals is not, strictly speaking, necessary for human health and welfare. True, studies show that people with pets live a bit longer and have better blood pressure than benighted nonowners, but in the literal sense, we don't really need all those dogs and cats to survive.

Archer's alternative Darwinian theory: Pets manipulate the same instincts and responses that have evolved to facilitate human relationships, "primarily (but not exclusively) those between parent and child."

No wonder Edie ditched Jeff. She was about to marry the evil stepfather, somebody who wasn't crazy about her true child.

Or, to look at it from the opposite direction, Archer suggests, "consider the possibility that pets are, in evolutionary terms, manipulating human responses, that they are the equivalent of social parasites." Social parasites inject themselves into the social systems of other species and thrive there. Dogs are masters at that. They show a range of emotions—love, anxiety, curiosity—and thus trick us into thinking they possess the full range of human feelings.

They dance with joy when we come home, put their heads on our knees and stare longingly into our eyes. Ah, we think, at last, the love and loyalty we so richly deserve and so rarely receive. Over thousands of years of living with humans, dogs have become wily and transfixing sidekicks with the particularly appealing characteristic of being unable to speak. We are therefore free to fill in the blanks with what we need to hear. (What the dog may really be telling us, much of the time, is, "Feed me.")

As Archer dryly puts it, "Continuing features of the interaction with the pet prove satisfying for the owner."

It's a good deal for the pets, too, since we respond by spending lavishly on organic treats and high-quality health care.

Psychologist Brian Hare of Harvard has also studied the human-animal bond and reports that dogs are astonishingly skilled at reading humans' patterns of social behavior, especially behaviors related to food and care. They figure out our moods and what makes us happy, what moves us. Then they act accordingly, and we tell ourselves that they're crazy about us.

"It appears that dogs have evolved specialized skills for reading human social and communicative behavior," Hare concludes, which is why dogs live so much better than moles.

These are interesting theories. Raccoons and squirrels don't show recognizable human emotions, nor do they trigger our nurturing ("She's my baby") impulses. So, they don't (usually) move into our houses, get their photos taken with Santa, or even get names. Thousands of rescue workers aren't standing by to move them lovingly from one home to another.

If the dog's love is just an evolutionary trick, does that diminish it? I don't think so. Dogs have figured out how to insinuate themselves into human society in ways that benefit us both. We get affection and attention. They get the same, plus food, shelter, and protection. To grasp this exchange doesn't trivialize our love, it explains it.

I'm enveloped by dog love, myself. Izzy, a border collie who spent the first four years of his life running along a small square of fencing on a nearby farm, is lying under my desk at the moment, his head resting on my boot.

Rose, my working dog, is curled into a tight ball in the crate to my left. Emma, the newcomer who spent six years inside the same fence as Izzy, prefers the newly re-upholstered antique chair. Plagued with health problems, she likes to be near the wood stove in the winter.

When I stir to make tea, answer the door, or stretch my legs, all three dogs move with me. I see them peering out from behind the kitchen table or pantry door, awaiting instructions, as border collies do. If I return to the computer, they resume their previous positions, with stealth and agility. If I analyzed it coldly, I would admit that they're probably alert to see if an outdoor romp is in the offing, or some sheepherding, or some beef jerky. But I'd rather think they can't bear to let me out of their sight.

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Teaching Old Dogs New Tricks

Decoding Valentine’s Day Gifts

By Emily Battaglia, LifeScript Staff Writer
Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Forget price. When it comes to picking the perfect Valentine’s Day gift, the key is to find something that truly represents your relationship, whether it’s a teddy bear or a diamond bracelet. And according to a BizRate Research study, men actually take Valentine’s Day more seriously than women. Find out what your sweetie’s present says about your romance. Plus: Is he your soulmate? Take our quiz to find out…

Flowers
Men don’t feel obligated to buy flowers, so when your guy surprises you with a bouquet, you know he’s being thoughtful. But does it matter if the roses are red or the violets blue? And is a big bouquet better than a single bloom?
 
Not really. As the old saying goes, it’s the thought that counts. Roses are always a sure sign of his love, according to the Emily Post Institute, but flowers of any kind say that he cares about you and your relationship. And if he remembers your favorite flower, he scores extra brownie points. Just remember that yellow blossoms aren’t necessarily floral speak for “let’s just be friends.” Many men have no idea that the color symbolizes platonic love, so don’t assume the worst.
 
Stuffed Animals
If you’re like me, you find little romantic appeal in a stuffed animal. Sure, these furry friends are fine for avid collectors, but the sight of a pink rhinoceros puts few women in the mood for love. What a stuffed animal could symbolize: A. Your guy’s not very creative; B. Your romance is a bit immature. If you can find a way to hint to him that you’d prefer he steer clear of plush pets on Valentine’s Day, do it!
 
There is one exception to the rule: Last Valentine’s Day, my current squeeze gave me a pink teddy bear with a twist: Hanging from the bear’s arm was a gorgeous pearl bracelet. That’s enough to make an animal lover out of any woman.
And while we’re on the subject of baubles…
 
Jewelry
What does something sparkly say about your relationship? According to the National Retail Federation, a lot. Jewelry is the least given gift on Valentine’s Day compared to flowers, cards, candy, and an evening out. So you better believe he’s serious about you if he’s shelling out bucks for bling
 
Don’t judge his love by the number of carats he coughs up, though. Case in point: After a year of marriage, my coworker dropped hints to her hubby that she wanted a pair of diamond studs. On February 14th, she got her wish. Inside a homemade photo album were pictures of the couple, one of which had diamond studs punched through her ears. But instead of the rocks she’d envisioned, they were more like pebbles.

There’s a good lesson here: Price and present size make poor measuring sticks compared to the amount of thought put into the gift. In my coworker’s case, not only did her hubby listen to her request, but he scored points for his creative presentation. And guess what? Seven years later, she’s still wearing those pebbles.

 
Chocolate
This traditional treat reveals much more than your man’s desire to satisfy your sweet tooth. A heart-shaped box says he’s content in your relationship. Godiva on the label says he knows you rate the good stuff – nothing cheap will do when it comes to you.
 
If he’s smart, he knows chocolate has aphrodisiac qualities, too. So does a box of sweet nothings mean he wants sex? Not necessarily – unless there’s a can of chocolate syrup under that heart-flecked paper.
 
Lingerie
Speaking of sex, does a gift of silky undergarments always say, “I want to jump in bed with you”? If you’ve only been casually dating for a short time, it probably does. Such sultry gifts are best left for committed relationships. Besides, only 11% of women say they like receiving a gift of lingerie, according to the BizRate Research study.
 
Let’s say you sealed the deal years ago. What’s a boxer-shorts-and-camisole kind of gal to think when her guy shows up with a skimpy, naughty number from Victoria Secret? He wants to get you out of those tattered flannels and turn up the heat in the bedroom. But don’t take offense. It means he’s crazy about you and enjoys being intimate!
 
Cards
A Valentine’s Day staple, perpetual cash cow and a top card-buying occasion for men,  cards complete any gift. But, as they say, it’s what’s on the inside that really counts.
 
Cards run the gamut from goofy sentiments to full-blown love poems; Hallmark offers more than 530 Valentine’s Day cards for every kind of romantic relationship! There’s a lot for a guy to consider when buying one. The contents can sum up a relationship perfectly or send the wrong message entirely.
 
If he broke out the construction paper and markers to create his own Valentine’s Day card, it doesn’t mean he’s too cheap to part with $3.99. The time he spent making the card means he wants to spend more time with you. And whatever he writes, you know he means it.
 
One Valentine’s Day, my roommate’s ex-boyfriend said “I love you” for the very first time in a card. Those words, in his handwriting, meant much more to her than they would have if they’d come from the pros at Hallmark or American Greetings.
 
Can the card-only gift clue you in to problems ahead? Sometimes. Years ago I put together a very thoughtful Valentine’s Day package and mailed it to my long-distance boyfriend. In return, I got…a card. Two days later, I got dumped. Moral of the story: If you’re putting much more time and thought into your gifts than he is, it’s probably a telltale sign of trouble to come, especially if you’re in a new relationship.
 
On the other hand, if you’re in a long-term, committed relationship (we’re talking years down the line), you might consider a card ample acknowledgement of your tenth, twelfth or twentieth Valentine’s Day together. At the very least, he marked the occasion with something special.
 
When giving and receiving Valentine’s Day gifts this year, remember that February 14th is not the day to prove your love. Sure, a gift can give you insight into his true feelings, but it’s his everyday actions that really matter.
 
Is He Your Soulmate?
The word "soulmate" often conjures mystical visions of astrology, reincarnation and destiny. But you don't have to believe in the supernatural to know whether the man in your life ignites your passions, shares your worldview and connects with you like no other person. How does your guy rate as a soulmate?" Take this soulmate quiz.
warning... Soulmate quiz requires Motherly Approval of Mate... so sorry bastards need not respond to the quiz-portion of the show of intention.

Here's MY Question...

Who still buys into this Valentine's Day Special... because I sorta lump the day with my two other all-time Low-Down-with-the-Blues "Happy Days"...

New Year's Eve  and My Birthday.

Flowers, candy, jewlery... any other tokens or gestures?  I prefer them when  I'm least expecting them.  Any and every day.

  For the Pound Pup... beauty is all in the eye of the Owner.

 

gifts that don't cost

i have a thing for gifts that don't cost money. i am a simple minded child inside. There was a lady once that told me she had a present for me...i asked her...extatically IS IT A ROCK????? she said....oh wait, how did you know? i said, well that is what i wanted. Actually it was a rock, a crystal rock that her late husband had given her, and she wanted to pass on to me. i am the kind of person that sends people leaves and pressed flowers as a treat in their letter. i am the kind of person that uses brown paper bags, paint, yarn and a hole punch to make cards. well, lets not forget the crayons, leaf stenciling, and foil. To me, those things say...i love you more than this world, i love you enough to put my time and effort into thinking up something you will like. i have never had anyone do anything like that for me, until that woman gave me a rock, perhaps she knew who i was inside....