Like most people, growing-up, I had a natural ability to listen to stories told to me by my parents. My adoptive mother told me many I wish she hadn't about her own childhood, and my a. dad's and that seemed to have set a pattern with lots of people in my life. I must have had the sort of face that said I wanted to hear the sort of stories that would make a child sad.
I look back, and it makes sense to me that she would use the "outsider" (the adopted child) as her venting-machine. Telling such "secrets" to a fellow adult family member could prove risky, if her alliances were in danger, and telling such stories to a stranger would not give her the warmth and attention she craved and needed from someone "as good as" family.
Friends, in her case, somehow escaped the dirtiest of all family laundry, because, well, who in their right mind would want to air such things to good friends? They may not remain friends if they knew everything.
It tooke me a while to make the connection that keeping someone else's secret meant something else had to be taken in it's place. Alcohol, sex, drugs, violence, food, anything would and could to fill and replace the anger and rage that caused the hurt inside.
In my case it was taken out on me, in many ways, and then I took that blame and hurt out on myself, as well, keeping that all a secret, too. The whole crappy thing about keeping secrets was and is, someone remains a liar. That's the worst part, because if no one believes the youngest, and the adopted outsider, who cares about the runt left-over left to feel like crap all the time because the cast-aways aren't worth a parent's & family's full-protection? (Does that make sense?)
Wouldn't have minded seeing religious abuse added to the list
Having people try to force me to follow a faith in which I had no belief was I felt to be the main abuse in my childhood
Maybe that's so for a lot of non-adoptees as well, but my adopted status just seemed to add to it because parent and guardian blamed it on adoption, those wicked heathens I was born to
That's a very interesting point you make, Robin... one that's addresses some of these issues of "Losing my religion" as the band R.E.M so aptly has already put into words and video for us. It can be seen here: http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/14044
I think there is indeed a fine-line between religion and politics, and in both cases, maintaining control is what ultimately drives people to do what they do, for reasons they are told to accept. Keeping tradition, for instance is to keep things the same and unchanged, for family-history and preservation's sake. Sadly, there are some sick traditions and rituals that exist in various religious cultures, and these include mutilating and abusing the bodies of children. Details can be read here: The History of Child Abuse, http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/5389
Rarely is independent thinking allowed if it questions or strays the leader's ("parent-figure") teachings. In fact, isn't that how/why punishment exists? Deviation from the norm must be fixed, so fall-out does not damage the others? Quite frankly, this can easily be seen as bullying, if gone too far. How far? Considering the importance of Rites and Rituals with some people, child trafficking and slave labor are easy bets to get what is traditionally "had" by some.
I find it ironic that the term "immigration" is used in the one link because the article reads as if only an adult can come into a country and betray sides and loyalties through employment, where international adoption will employ people to trade children for services/money!
It's amazing how quickly this can all get so messy, isn't it?
I already had faith and believed the same religion ( catholic) than my a-parents but religion was a tool used by my a.father. He started of abusing me shortly after he became an evangelical christian. The the other kind of abuses followed from a-mother who also became a born again christian.
Dang! And those who placed me to this religious family were born again christians too. They sent me to my adopters with a bible like if I was a tool of evangelisation.
The adopters were saying they wanted me to be saved and the seller told me that they prayed for me to become a born again christian.
Dang! And those who placed me to this religious family were born again christians too. They sent me to my adopters with a bible like if I was a tool of evangelisation.
Does it really surprise you that certain radical deeds are done in the name of religion? It's seen an a cleansing experience, one that clears the slate through sacrifice -- all so a life in Heaven can become one's home. It's really sick how twisted some people get with this cleansing-of-the-soul stuff. [Read http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/18378 for more.] Truth be known, there is nothing scarier to me than a person who uses scripture as a tool to break or destroy anything.
Back in the Closed-Era of Adoption, unmarried mothers were forced to give-up their children so married couples could raise them. [Funny how divorce is "forbidden", yet breaking a child from the natural family isn't!]. I was one of these "victims of circumstances". I was razed Catholic, which means I was forced to attend church and perform all the sacrament rituals, whilst my parents stayed home on Sundays. My personal favorite was when I had my first Penance (confession with a priest). I remember thinking, "This is for the birds! I'm telling a man - a fellow sinner - my own sins of lying to my parents, and he's going to tell me God forgives me if I say 2 Hail Mary's?!?"
If I was smart I would have used that time to ask him, "If I'm to honor my mother and father, why am I not with them?"... but then I was only 9 or 10 years old at the time. I had heavier issues on my mind.
The phrase "keeping it in the family" has a whole different meaning to me, as I see many religions do this force-feeding of beliefs to their flock, just as parents would do a child. Is this in the name of tradition? [I wouldn't know because I seem to have lost all of mine!] This is where I think the power of conversiion gets really scary because it's all about numbers, as if the one "with the most" wins. It's almost laughable, in it's perverse way, how a church will send members out to convert new members for themselves, even if it means purchasing a baby from another family!
Where's the morality and sense of "family values" in that?
Comments
The Natural Outsider
Like most people, growing-up, I had a natural ability to listen to stories told to me by my parents. My adoptive mother told me many I wish she hadn't about her own childhood, and my a. dad's and that seemed to have set a pattern with lots of people in my life. I must have had the sort of face that said I wanted to hear the sort of stories that would make a child sad.
I look back, and it makes sense to me that she would use the "outsider" (the adopted child) as her venting-machine. Telling such "secrets" to a fellow adult family member could prove risky, if her alliances were in danger, and telling such stories to a stranger would not give her the warmth and attention she craved and needed from someone "as good as" family.
Friends, in her case, somehow escaped the dirtiest of all family laundry, because, well, who in their right mind would want to air such things to good friends? They may not remain friends if they knew everything.
keeping secrets
It tooke me a while to make the connection that keeping someone else's secret meant something else had to be taken in it's place. Alcohol, sex, drugs, violence, food, anything would and could to fill and replace the anger and rage that caused the hurt inside.
In my case it was taken out on me, in many ways, and then I took that blame and hurt out on myself, as well, keeping that all a secret, too. The whole crappy thing about keeping secrets was and is, someone remains a liar. That's the worst part, because if no one believes the youngest, and the adopted outsider, who cares about the runt left-over left to feel like crap all the time because the cast-aways aren't worth a parent's & family's full-protection? (Does that make sense?)
Religious abuse
Wouldn't have minded seeing religious abuse added to the list
Having people try to force me to follow a faith in which I had no belief was I felt to be the main abuse in my childhood
Maybe that's so for a lot of non-adoptees as well, but my adopted status just seemed to add to it because parent and guardian blamed it on adoption, those wicked heathens I was born to
Robin
*
Man-made cloaks and tools
That's a very interesting point you make, Robin... one that's addresses some of these issues of "Losing my religion" as the band R.E.M so aptly has already put into words and video for us. It can be seen here: http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/14044
Is this the same?
"Religious abuse"; do you mean like ritualistic child abuse? http://www.mindcontrolforums.com/childrit.htm
Mind over Matters
I think there is indeed a fine-line between religion and politics, and in both cases, maintaining control is what ultimately drives people to do what they do, for reasons they are told to accept. Keeping tradition, for instance is to keep things the same and unchanged, for family-history and preservation's sake. Sadly, there are some sick traditions and rituals that exist in various religious cultures, and these include mutilating and abusing the bodies of children. Details can be read here: The History of Child Abuse, http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/5389
Rarely is independent thinking allowed if it questions or strays the leader's ("parent-figure") teachings. In fact, isn't that how/why punishment exists? Deviation from the norm must be fixed, so fall-out does not damage the others? Quite frankly, this can easily be seen as bullying, if gone too far. How far? Considering the importance of Rites and Rituals with some people, child trafficking and slave labor are easy bets to get what is traditionally "had" by some.
http://www.childtrafficking.com/Content/aboutus.php goes into more detail about the international implications this pattern of behavior has.
Meanwhile, I also found two very interesting sites that go into great detail about mind-control and how it can affect race http://www.vdare.com/misc/051207_rushton_fallacy.htm and religious organizations as it relates to the politics of living with and among others. http://educate-yourself.org/cn/macdonaldmideastpolicyotherboot31jan07.shtml
I find it ironic that the term "immigration" is used in the one link because the article reads as if only an adult can come into a country and betray sides and loyalties through employment, where international adoption will employ people to trade children for services/money!
It's amazing how quickly this can all get so messy, isn't it?
Never thought about it
I already had faith and believed the same religion ( catholic) than my a-parents but religion was a tool used by my a.father. He started of abusing me shortly after he became an evangelical christian. The the other kind of abuses followed from a-mother who also became a born again christian.
Dang! And those who placed me to this religious family were born again christians too. They sent me to my adopters with a bible like if I was a tool of evangelisation.
The adopters were saying they wanted me to be saved and the seller told me that they prayed for me to become a born again christian.
Religious abuse and religious abusers...
Doing Deeds (for who's Greater Good?)
Dang! And those who placed me to this religious family were born again christians too. They sent me to my adopters with a bible like if I was a tool of evangelisation.
Does it really surprise you that certain radical deeds are done in the name of religion? It's seen an a cleansing experience, one that clears the slate through sacrifice -- all so a life in Heaven can become one's home. It's really sick how twisted some people get with this cleansing-of-the-soul stuff. [Read http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/18378 for more.] Truth be known, there is nothing scarier to me than a person who uses scripture as a tool to break or destroy anything.
Back in the Closed-Era of Adoption, unmarried mothers were forced to give-up their children so married couples could raise them. [Funny how divorce is "forbidden", yet breaking a child from the natural family isn't!]. I was one of these "victims of circumstances". I was razed Catholic, which means I was forced to attend church and perform all the sacrament rituals, whilst my parents stayed home on Sundays. My personal favorite was when I had my first Penance (confession with a priest). I remember thinking, "This is for the birds! I'm telling a man - a fellow sinner - my own sins of lying to my parents, and he's going to tell me God forgives me if I say 2 Hail Mary's?!?"
If I was smart I would have used that time to ask him, "If I'm to honor my mother and father, why am I not with them?"... but then I was only 9 or 10 years old at the time. I had heavier issues on my mind.
The phrase "keeping it in the family" has a whole different meaning to me, as I see many religions do this force-feeding of beliefs to their flock, just as parents would do a child. Is this in the name of tradition? [I wouldn't know because I seem to have lost all of mine!] This is where I think the power of conversiion gets really scary because it's all about numbers, as if the one "with the most" wins. It's almost laughable, in it's perverse way, how a church will send members out to convert new members for themselves, even if it means purchasing a baby from another family!
Where's the morality and sense of "family values" in that?