Wanted: Men, with a memory
I'm approaching panic-mode. I THINK my 9 yr old boy is wanting to lock himself in his room, take frequent showers, and be "left alone" while I run errands with the other three... for a "Reason".
I refuse to do Sheet-Patrol.
I had to clean the sheets and garbage cans for The Shrew when I was 12... I had an older brother. I KNOW what takes place. I know more than a girl should ever know. The Shrew called chores "Responsibility"... I call it one-sided neglect and abandonment. Growing up, there were no boundaries, other than the Closed-Door Policy The Shrew maintained. But hey... those are MY issues over used tissues, right?
How did you men handle the after-math of wet dreams? What's a parent's responsible response?
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whack a mole
When I was a prat and subject to nocturnal emmissions, my parents' modus operandi was to ignore the subject. They had an old dude from the church they sent me to take me out and explain why my penis was spontaneously erupting. It was creepy. It could have been worse, shades of Carrie's first menstruation in the gym shower....
The responsible parental response? First off, have a talk about how his body is changing and one manifestation of that change may be "wet dreams." It may be embarassing for him to discuss this, but on the other hand it will keep him from mistaken assumptions ("I peed in my sleep") or going to peers for information ("'Good girls don't do it, ho's do"). Since he's locking himself up, taking frequent showers, the chances are that he's jerking off. Why not, it feels good. Tell him it's natural that he feels the urge to masturbate, and that's a private matter.
Secondly, if you genuinely don't want to do sheet checks, then teach him how to do his own laundry.
Geeze-Louise!
What took you so long to get back to me, man????
...
I could have used the Old Man At The Church Idea before I broke-down and discussed this with my platonic parent-team-member. In any event, we don't attend Church, because I can't afford the dues it costs to sit in uncomfortable pews. Plus, I refuse to have a discussion about ejaculation with my son. I learned at a very young age, boys get erections for all sorts of dumb reasons. [I learned this all by myself, when he was a baby. It took me a while, but I learned... after getting hit a few times...] As a SAHM, I learned one Safe Bet in terms of an erection, and as The Diaper Duty Madame I was to become, I knew to reach for the cloth-cover, before the little fella hit the air, because for some odd reason, fresh-air would make the urine flow... UP and OUT! Truthfully... I thought that was brilliant of God to design.... a girl needs to be warned about such things, if she's dressed to impress, and is running late for an important date... always carry extra clothes and diapers... because you NEVER know when that Golden Arch will make it's mark.
Once the little guy started taking Big-Boy tubs, a whole new set of problems began to arise for me... and uh... his "sword".
That's when I told The Man of the house.... "Uh... please explain this spontaneous "Sword" he keeps finding eachtime he's in the tub, because I have no friggin idea what the hell that is. <weirdos>" I realized once he started "explaining" to me, I had to clarify myself... "No... explain it to HIM, and understand I'm not doing his bath-time anymore because I know I get really freaked in ways that only a girl who was molested can Understand."
He never Got That... and ironically, I never Got Any, either.... unless it was to procreate, of course. <grrrrrr>
So.... I did what I had to do for my own well-being... (not freak-out over something I know is Natural... but a really tough source of Bad Memories for me...) I told The Expectant Dad to keep an eye on his son's sheets.... that way WHEN it does happen, The Man of the house can be prepared to be calm and matter-of-fact when the New Man discovers he wet the bed over-night. The Game-Plan is to get both older-kids to start washing their own sheets... as a lesson in Independence.... so I won't have to know The Night In Question took place.
<EEEEEWE!> I need a decontamination shower now.
So... Mr. Late-Discovery (although it's better late than never... eh?)...How did I do with this situation at hand, so to speak?
[I don't suppose boys would ever read a Judy Blum book, huh? I don't know WHAT I would have done back in the fifth & sixth grade, if not for her books!]
RE: ewwww
"So... Mr. Late-Discovery (although it's better late than never... eh?)...How did I do with this situation at hand, so to speak?"
Sounds good, considering the circumstances. I remember my room smelling like a subway tunnel when I was a teen; stiff sweat socks, underarm BO that would choke an forensic pathologist, whatever food was left over from last month. A little ejaculate could get easily lost in the shuffle...But what do I know, I fathered three daughters, which is a whole different can of worms. Things are different now; where could my wife hide her "toys" so the girls, who treated our room like their personal make-up and jewelry stash, wouldn't find them.
[I don't suppose boys would ever read a Judy Blum book, huh? I don't know WHAT I would have done back in the fifth & sixth grade, if not for her books!]"
Boy , Kerry, that seems so... innocent. Unless you keep you kid in total cultural lock-down, he's going to get his cues as to what is happening through references in American Pie movies, obnoxious rap songs, and other cultural referents that he will think teaches him how to be and act. When I was 11 and 12 I skimmed Jacqueline Susann and Irving Wallace novels for the juicy bits. And copies of Playboy pilfered from somebody's dad made the rounds. It all seems, in retrospect, so airbrushed and innocent. It's a lot rawer today.
A child will also absorb the psychodynamics of his parents; if you really feel "eeeeewww" about his ejaculate, he'll know it, regardless of how natural you may say it is. If your husband was withholding intimacy, your son will know it on some level, and if your husband is taking his intimacy somewhere else (maybe masturbating himself), then your son will know that too, on some level. When I look back at my childhood, I realize that I internalized that sex meant something sneaky my father did with the neighbor lady that made my mother stop talking to him for a week. I ended up playing doctor with the neighbor lady's daughter, under a blanket with a flashlight. Or sex was something mysterious that mothers did with their gentlemen friends at motels when fathers were at work. So, for me sex was something furtive, something deceptive, something risky. And this was all before I was ten...
I also think its interesting that although you quite naturally want to teach your son that sex is not an act of aggression that he calls his wee wee a "sword". Reminds me of the old infantry mantra, chanted when an infantryman calls his M-1 a gun... This is my rifle, this is my gun, one is for shooting, the other's for fun...
Sex as a weapon
I also think its interesting that although you quite naturally want to teach your son that sex is not an act of aggression that he calls his wee wee a "sword". Reminds me of the old infantry mantra, chanted when an infantryman calls his M-1 a gun... This is my rifle, this is my gun, one is for shooting, the other's for fun...
I don't know if it's a girl-thing, but I have yet to meet a man who does not use the female gender for sex, and then leave once "The Romance" is gone.
Takes two to tango. That means a girl needs to be treated like a "Lady" worth wine-ing and dine-ing before she opens the lines of intimacy.
If a man finds his lady complaining a lot, maybe she needs a little extra special attention. Making love to a woman, is a man's job... otherwise, the warring-sides of the bed are drawn by the line of pillows between them.
But then I'm all alone, so who am I to judge.
Put down your weapon
I also think its interesting that although you quite naturally want to teach your son that sex is not an act of aggression that he calls his wee wee a "sword". Reminds me of the old infantry mantra, chanted when an infantryman calls his M-1 a gun... This is my rifle, this is my gun, one is for shooting, the other's for fun...
Ironically, it's my son who called it his "sword"... that's what made it so funny at the time. Both boys of mine are HUGE Army-Fans, because of Poppy. I have my dad's old Army blouse, that he wore when he was in Vietnam. He recently gave my youngest his "bag", and I have a rifle-metal that I keep for myself. I used to have his toe-tag... but once I learned what it was for, it upset me too much, so I [<think>] I gave it back to my dad.
What worries me is my boys fixation on the Playstation games that desensitize their sense of War Injuries.
The power of a weapon... it's used to rape and pillage.
But then, I guess you had to be there to appreciate those Golden Moments of yesteryear... when a little boy looked down on his first known erection and said, "Look! A Sword!"
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