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Carole Atkinson discusses a precedent in adoption law

Tue, 2007-12-18 13:03 - Kerry

by Vicky Anderson
Dec 18 2007
Liverpool Daily Post

A MOTHER'S determination to offer for adoption a child conceived during a one-night stand will set a precedent for other single mothers and unidentified fathers.

The Court of Appeal decision that an unnamed mother had the right not to name the father of her child paves the way for other mothers to take unilateral decisions on their children’s future.

The mother’s local authority had argued against the woman’s bid to have her four-month-old baby adopted, on the grounds that the family and the father should be approached to look after the child.

But the mother’s refusal to name the father, even with the threat of being held in contempt of court, was backed by the appeal judges, who decreed that the mother has the “ultimate veto” over who should be told about the child.

The Adoption Act states that, in order for a child to be placed into adoption, both parents must give their consent, but the consent of an unmarried father isn’t required unless he has parental responsibility for the child. This father obviously cannot take parental responsibility for a child he doesn’t even know about.

Even if the court makes an order requesting the mother to reveal the identity of the father, how could they force her to?

She could be held in contempt of court but even then could not be forced to say something she doesn’t wish to.

CAROLE ATKINSON is family law specialist at Mace and Jones.

Comments

Tue, 2007-12-18 14:15 — Kerry

Disposable Dads and one-night stands

How quickly the moral fabric of our lives unravel when names and identity have to be given for accountabilitiy and responsibility's sake!

Eventually someone will have to pay for the "mistake" adults make for themselves, and that cost will reveal itself in it's own time, but at any point, does any adult ever stop and think for a moment how the "here and now" affects the future? 

My own children have a hard enough time knowing only half of their heritage because I was adopted, and their father was not, but at least they have a sense of grounded family-history through him.  Why would any woman seek adoption as a form of (post) birth-control?  Is there that much anger and resentment against men these days?  Or has fear of the unknown made mothers so afraid, they are willing to relinquish their babies, thinking strangers can do a better job than they can do, themselves?

It is a grave mistake to allow the adoption industry to teach the fantasy that mothers can relinquish parts of their bodies to strangers, without having any ill effects happen to her or her child, just because the man didn't return to her, as she might have expected.

Tue, 2007-12-18 16:56 — neophyte

A guardian for protection

Why after months after giving birth does this mother want to give her baby away?  Can't the court appoint a guardian for the child's protection, without drafting a whole legal adoption?  Maybe the mother is depressed and can't deal with the baby and needs a break, and has no idea who the father is.

Just googling the word "guardianship" you can find links like these:

http://www.guardianship.org/

http://www.childwelfare.gov/permanency/guardianship.cfm

http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/info_services/guardianship.html

Tue, 2007-12-18 17:26 — Kerry

"What to tell the child"

Taken from an adoption website, the following are suggested words of comfort to offer a child when telling him or her the family-match didn't quite work-out as planned.

http://www.achildswaiting.com/adoptive_parents/adoption_disruption/

Honesty is always the best way to handle to emotional process of telling the child about the replacement. It is not the child’s fault but rather factors that have occurred in the family system up to this point. The child must come to understand that just because they are being replaced, that they are still a lovable person. You, as the adult, must accept the responsibility for the replacement, regardless of the perceived situation that precipitated the replacement. In order to help your child transit, you must give them permission to be happy somewhere else. You must not blame the child for the disruption or they will carry it with them into the next placement making the adjustment even more difficult.

A few phrases that maybe appropriate are listed below:

  • “It’s not your fault”
  • “Maybe we weren’t the family that was meant to be your forever family. Maybe we were meant to get you out of (foster care/ the orphanage) and help you get to your forever family”
  • “Our family isn’t the best family for you, you deserve a family who can take care of you the way you need to be able to be taken care of”.
  • “I/We love you and we want what is best for you. We can not meet your needs”.
  • “We have found a counselor who has looked the world over and he/she found a family that is right for you”

The adoption agency counselor will be there to guide you through the process. Any questions can be answered by him or her. Below lists some basic do’s and don’ts.

Do’s

  • Be honest
  • Accept responsibility for adoption dissolution and the replacement
  • Show empathy for the adoptive child’s feelings
  • Encourage closure with friends and family members (have a small get together, give the child a camera and address book for information about his/her friends, etc.)
  • Send all important toys, past Lifebooks, copies of any birth family photos or baby pictures of the child (if available), and pictures of your family currently.

Dont’s

  • Do not leave them with a false hope of future communication if that is something that may not happen.
  • Do not lead them to believe that there is chance that they can return “if they are good” if it’s not true.
  • Do not blame the child for the disruption.
  • Do not glorify the new adoptive family. (Be honest about their home, the family characteristics and any basic facts that you know. Share the family photos or video if available to ease questions and fears of the unknown)

Generally, the date of placement is the same day papers are signed starting the termination of your parental rights. This will be a very emotional day for your entire family. It is appropriate for the child to see this sadness. Remember, hugs and kisses should be given just before the child leaves. Encourage the child to make good choices, to listen to his new family, and to always work towards his or her best at whatever they try.

What’s next?

Once your parental rights have been completely terminated, it is important to inform the child’s school about the change in custody. You must also notify your insurance company or the Medicaid case worker about the placement change. Finally, if your child was receiving Federal or State subsidies or any other program inclusions, you should call and have the funds suspended or transferred to the new adoptive family. In the event that the child was adopted internationally, post-placement reports or requirements for registration with the Country Consulate should be reported to the replacement family.

Time to grieve and heal

Your family will need time to deal with the replacement emotionally. The loss of the child can be devastating. You may need to start individual, couple, or family counseling to deal with the child’s removal as well as tackle other issues that may have arisen during the crisis. It is important to remember, it’s no one fault.

Thu, 2007-12-20 18:47 — Niels

how-to?

I read the above with astonishment. Is this a how-to-get-rid-of-an-unwanted-bastard guide? What is the purpose of this article? It reads to me like a divorce how-to guide, one non of the couples that divorce can live up to. If adoptive parents were able to do all of the above, there would probably be no disruption in the first place.