Trust...out of the window?
Fri, 2007-11-02 14:10 - liontamer
Is it just adopted and or abused people who seek rejection? This probably sounds a strange question but I guess what I mean is an abused person has ,through no fault of there own had trust destroyed so when they do find a relationship they test the other person to see how much they will take.Then when the abused person is rejected because they have pushed to hard they can turn around and say "I told you so.I'm worthless and been rejected yet again.
In my case I trusted someone who I believed in,there ethos and aims, only to be "stabbed in the back" I was blind to there faults even though they were pointed out to me on more than one occasion. Because of the actions of these people I am now humiliated ,rejected and a target of abuse.
How can I ever trust again?
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Comments
Baby-steps
Trust has to be earned, and it has to be tested again and again. Those who have been where you are and have been in the guts and pain understand this and know how difficult it is to rise each time it's expected to "stand up and take it like a man" or "shake it off".
Sometimes we need to wallow and sink. It's what we do when The Abyss calls. It's what home feels like, when that's all we have known.
Just know you're not alone among the bottom-dwellers who seek isolation once in a while... afraid of others because they will hurt you again. Among the bottom-dwellers, you will find like-minded people who are simply resting, ready to resurface and fight the good fight.
Our world is upside down.
That's all.
Our sinking is breathing and sleeping, and refueling for The Next Time we do it better, and go farther, in smarter ways.
Someone has to teach us not to accept abusive ways.
That's all.
<warm smile>
Black & Blue
Some people call it "black and white thinking". I call it black & blue reasoning.
If you grow-up with an alcoholic in the family, you know what this means. There are times of silence, and times of explosive madness that leaves it mark, somewhere. Pity the poor little bastard who gets in the way of that, right?
People think adoptees would be immue to this sort of parenting behavior, I suppose, because a screening procees takes place?
HA!
Don't make me laugh!
I have the scars of neglect to prove it.
The circle of madness has to be broken, and that, I think, can only happen if you let people in.
The trick is letting them in slowly, and knowing how to safely recognize the liars and the cheats from the real good guys, at heart. For myself, that has to be tested, and it's based on rules I have from my own life experience. There are certain rules I will and will not accept for myself. I had to learn this alone, and the hard way, because I had no one else to help me.
Such is the life of some, and not others.
People Pleasers
I don't know if any of these comments have helped you, Liontamer, so I found an article that might speak to you, too.
http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=281929
To be honest, I don't know who the actress is, but the issues are universal when it comes to following your gut, your heart, and wanting to maintain an element of hopefull happiness in your future. ~k