I was faced with this dilema two months ago. My Sacha came home and told me she was pregnant, she is 19. My first concern was for her health (she has cystic fibrosis). Once over the shock and speaking to the CF team, Sacha is over the moon and I am happy for her. I have told her I will support her all the way. I know she will be a great mum. I dont feel old enough to be a mum never mind a nan, but Im secretly excited now! In Sachas' mind having the baby was the only option and I respect that. She is 19 though so how I would of reacted had she been 15/16 I'm not sure. She has a scan on the 30th to find out what she is having.
Are we not used to accepting what Fate has in store for us? I believe you will be great at being more than what your daughter will need during this transitional time for her. Family Connection, and the preservation of it means so much more for the likes of us lost bastards... at least that's how I see things through my own adaptation to adoption over and through my own maternal years.
Give, Take. Keep. Repeat, only to keep for our own sake the next time around.
Let me ask you... do you (and/or your daughter) have expectations of the baby's father?
Hiya,Sacha has been with her boyfriend for 3 years. I did tell her though that she should make the decision as though she were on her own. That's probably a bit pessimism on my part but I also think it's being realistic. They have a good relationship but if it were to go wrong is she prepared to be a single mum. She says she is and she knows she will always have my support. Her CF gives us enough to think about so we are just going to enjoy and take each day as it comes.
love tina
I wouldn't really suggest anything. We are very extremely pro-choice, so abortion or raising the baby would be fine with me. The way my kids are being raised, they would (hopefully) never think of adoption, and I would fight them tooth or nail if they decided to "rebel" by surrendering a baby. Not going to happen here.
I don't really place any value on marriage, and would support my kids in single parenting or moving in with their partner (and marrying if they really wanted to, but again, it's not something they're being raised to think of as crucial).
Right now, Rylie says she wants to have a baby when she's 16. The only thing I've really said to that is that she might want to be able to drive before she has a baby, so that she can take her baby place and not depend on others for rides. I'm not very judge-y when it comes to teen parents.
I had to laugh at your sweet response because given my recent return from the Netherlands, one of the most wonderful surprises I discovered in the land of debauchery (red-light districts and pot-smoking dangers and all....), was the simplicity of the bicycle and gathering of families and dogs that I have not yet seen in all my life-experience here in America!
I even saw one woman cart her small child in a fur-lined milk crate on her bike. Butt ugly black bike, with a cozy fur lined crate for her daughter. Is there anything sweeter than riding a bike in the park with your child, knowing no one can rip you apart?
Must be nice to live that way.
I learned in Nursing School, biologically speaking, the ideal time for a female to conceive is at the age of 24. This is based on her body's maturity, strength, and fertility. What men and women fail to realize is, not all people were born to procreate. I always thought if God wanted me to have a baby, I'll become pregnant. No where in nature do animals buy another animal's offspring. Such an act and practice is unnatural. Period.
24, huh? I was 22 -- pretty close to ideal as far as I was concerned, and it's kind of cool to know science agrees.
I'm not religious, but had the same thought regarding nature -- that if I was meant to have a baby, it would happen naturally. And it did (twice and with much effort both times, ).
Let's see... I was 23 when I got married, 24 when I got pregnant, 25 when my first born, a daughter, was born, in 1994.
My second, a son, was born in 1997. The twins (girl/boy) were born in 2001. Each pregnancy was different, yet "the same" in ways only a woman wishing to become pregnant can truly appreciate.
I learned in my thirties, my natural mom was 26 when she had and named me. My adoptive mother had one son prior to my adoption. After that birth, she had a hysterectomy.
Hardly does my case fit the "unfit teen-mother profile".
My natural father was a military man, so perhaps that's more telling of the times and circumstances of the late 1960's.
Who knows in the world of lies and half-truths and a time we call the Closed Era of Adoption, what the real truth to the real numbers of displaced babies really means. All I know is, as a mother, my genes are very important to me. When I look at my babies, I realize, there was a woman who loved me enough to birth me, and a monster cruel enough to convince her "someone else" can do better than my own family to take care of me.
WHY?
If not HER, why a completely NEW and different family outside the country I was born? That simply makes no sense, unless it's all about money.
Not in a million years will I EVER understand the rationale behind Child Placement among strangers. Yet, it's becoming more and more popular than it ever was before -- all because there has developed a celebrity marketing strategy used by an industry that can't get enough of women and their children.
Bloody brilliant, isn't it, to be born female in this world?
Perhaps we as mothers can teach our children: "Whatever you do, just hold on to your genes". I would hate to lose any more limbs in my growing family tree, that's for damn sure!
I was just reading an article on MSN about teens learning about birth control [Truth Be Told: What teens don't know about contraceptives could hurt them.], and I wonder how much better teens would do if the lessons and effects of "abandonment" and "attachment" were taught in a psychosocial context?
How do you tell a love-starved hormone enraged teen not to have sex?
Perhaps teaching attachment and the effects of abandonment could lead towards more responsible future parenting, thus provide the proper skills so many new parents need. Given the number of adoptees and kids in foster care, one can only imagine how many there are who have no idea what "staying put" means in a real long-term relationship, let alone one that normally changes on a constant basis. Anyone agree with me?
I recall my own sex-ed, some thirty years ago and even though attitude towards sex here in the Netherlands is much less hypocritical than what I've come to know about the US, the information given during those classes was not much more than the bare minimum. Only the technical aspects of sex were discussed, but non of the emotional components. Pregnancy prevention was tought, but nothing was told about child rearing. The lesson told was basically "Don't try this at home". I don't know if anything has improved since those days, but I doubt it. In the mean time MTV airs these R 'n B clips that promote a lifestyle of money, cars, gold and impersonal sex. I wonder what has more impact on a teen agers mind, technical latin terms or bronzed, oiled up bodies of the rich an infamous,
Just like albums have been replaced by CD's and ipods, it seems MTV can easily be replaced by other forms of media outlets like internet's Youtube, too. It's amazing to me, how little control parents have over the type of sexual-information that's being fed to our kids -- unless, of course, open honest communication remains key in the parent-child relationship.
Remember, back in the 50's and 60's when Elvis and The Beatles invaded the eyes and ears of teen-influence, and how that changed the sexuality of a generation?
Imagine what's going on in the mind's of today's teens when they see the following message from artist's like Mims. If nothing else, the lyrics certainly give new meaning to the phrase "do you like it like this?"
Comments
Teenage daughter pregnant.
I was faced with this dilema two months ago. My Sacha came home and told me she was pregnant, she is 19. My first concern was for her health (she has cystic fibrosis). Once over the shock and speaking to the CF team, Sacha is over the moon and I am happy for her. I have told her I will support her all the way. I know she will be a great mum. I dont feel old enough to be a mum never mind a nan, but Im secretly excited now! In Sachas' mind having the baby was the only option and I respect that. She is 19 though so how I would of reacted had she been 15/16 I'm not sure. She has a scan on the 30th to find out what she is having.
Great Expectations
Are we not used to accepting what Fate has in store for us? I believe you will be great at being more than what your daughter will need during this transitional time for her. Family Connection, and the preservation of it means so much more for the likes of us lost bastards... at least that's how I see things through my own adaptation to adoption over and through my own maternal years.
Give, Take. Keep. Repeat, only to keep for our own sake the next time around.
Let me ask you... do you (and/or your daughter) have expectations of the baby's father?
Do you discuss this?
Hiya,Sacha has been with her
Hiya,Sacha has been with her boyfriend for 3 years. I did tell her though that she should make the decision as though she were on her own. That's probably a bit pessimism on my part but I also think it's being realistic. They have a good relationship but if it were to go wrong is she prepared to be a single mum. She says she is and she knows she will always have my support. Her CF gives us enough to think about so we are just going to enjoy and take each day as it comes.
love tina
Wise Words
I applaud your candid approach with your daughter. It's open, honest and realistic.
All that was and still is NOT true of so many adoption stories!!!
Does it anger you that as a Female, such Abandonment Fall-Out always becomes such a Family Issue for us "Foundlings"?
I can't vote . . .
I wouldn't really suggest anything. We are very extremely pro-choice, so abortion or raising the baby would be fine with me. The way my kids are being raised, they would (hopefully) never think of adoption, and I would fight them tooth or nail if they decided to "rebel" by surrendering a baby. Not going to happen here.
I don't really place any value on marriage, and would support my kids in single parenting or moving in with their partner (and marrying if they really wanted to, but again, it's not something they're being raised to think of as crucial).
Right now, Rylie says she wants to have a baby when she's 16. The only thing I've really said to that is that she might want to be able to drive before she has a baby, so that she can take her baby place and not depend on others for rides. I'm not very judge-y when it comes to teen parents.
Social Acceptance
I had to laugh at your sweet response because given my recent return from the Netherlands, one of the most wonderful surprises I discovered in the land of debauchery (red-light districts and pot-smoking dangers and all....), was the simplicity of the bicycle and gathering of families and dogs that I have not yet seen in all my life-experience here in America!
I even saw one woman cart her small child in a fur-lined milk crate on her bike. Butt ugly black bike, with a cozy fur lined crate for her daughter. Is there anything sweeter than riding a bike in the park with your child, knowing no one can rip you apart?
Must be nice to live that way.
I learned in Nursing School, biologically speaking, the ideal time for a female to conceive is at the age of 24. This is based on her body's maturity, strength, and fertility. What men and women fail to realize is, not all people were born to procreate. I always thought if God wanted me to have a baby, I'll become pregnant. No where in nature do animals buy another animal's offspring. Such an act and practice is unnatural. Period.
24, huh? I was 22 --
24, huh? I was 22 -- pretty close to ideal as far as I was concerned, and it's kind of cool to know science agrees.
I'm not religious, but had the same thought regarding nature -- that if I was meant to have a baby, it would happen naturally. And it did (twice and with much effort both times,
).
Doing the Number Count:
Let's see... I was 23 when I got married, 24 when I got pregnant, 25 when my first born, a daughter, was born, in 1994.
My second, a son, was born in 1997. The twins (girl/boy) were born in 2001. Each pregnancy was different, yet "the same" in ways only a woman wishing to become pregnant can truly appreciate.
I learned in my thirties, my natural mom was 26 when she had and named me. My adoptive mother had one son prior to my adoption. After that birth, she had a hysterectomy.
Hardly does my case fit the "unfit teen-mother profile".
My natural father was a military man, so perhaps that's more telling of the times and circumstances of the late 1960's.
Who knows in the world of lies and half-truths and a time we call the Closed Era of Adoption, what the real truth to the real numbers of displaced babies really means. All I know is, as a mother, my genes are very important to me. When I look at my babies, I realize, there was a woman who loved me enough to birth me, and a monster cruel enough to convince her "someone else" can do better than my own family to take care of me.
WHY?
If not HER, why a completely NEW and different family outside the country I was born? That simply makes no sense, unless it's all about money.
Not in a million years will I EVER understand the rationale behind Child Placement among strangers. Yet, it's becoming more and more popular than it ever was before -- all because there has developed a celebrity marketing strategy used by an industry that can't get enough of women and their children.
Bloody brilliant, isn't it, to be born female in this world?
Perhaps we as mothers can teach our children: "Whatever you do, just hold on to your genes". I would hate to lose any more limbs in my growing family tree, that's for damn sure!
Education v. Preparation
I was just reading an article on MSN about teens learning about birth control [Truth Be Told: What teens don't know about contraceptives could hurt them.], and I wonder how much better teens would do if the lessons and effects of "abandonment" and "attachment" were taught in a psychosocial context?
How do you tell a love-starved hormone enraged teen not to have sex?
Perhaps teaching attachment and the effects of abandonment could lead towards more responsible future parenting, thus provide the proper skills so many new parents need. Given the number of adoptees and kids in foster care, one can only imagine how many there are who have no idea what "staying put" means in a real long-term relationship, let alone one that normally changes on a constant basis. Anyone agree with me?
Sex-ed MTV style
I recall my own sex-ed, some thirty years ago and even though attitude towards sex here in the Netherlands is much less hypocritical than what I've come to know about the US, the information given during those classes was not much more than the bare minimum. Only the technical aspects of sex were discussed, but non of the emotional components. Pregnancy prevention was tought, but nothing was told about child rearing. The lesson told was basically "Don't try this at home". I don't know if anything has improved since those days, but I doubt it. In the mean time MTV airs these R 'n B clips that promote a lifestyle of money, cars, gold and impersonal sex. I wonder what has more impact on a teen agers mind, technical latin terms or bronzed, oiled up bodies of the rich an infamous,
Like this?
Just like albums have been replaced by CD's and ipods, it seems MTV can easily be replaced by other forms of media outlets like internet's Youtube, too. It's amazing to me, how little control parents have over the type of sexual-information that's being fed to our kids -- unless, of course, open honest communication remains key in the parent-child relationship.
Remember, back in the 50's and 60's when Elvis and The Beatles invaded the eyes and ears of teen-influence, and how that changed the sexuality of a generation?
Imagine what's going on in the mind's of today's teens when they see the following message from artist's like Mims. If nothing else, the lyrics certainly give new meaning to the phrase "do you like it like this?"