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Mirror mirror
Maybe I should have made it into a poll question, like what do you see when you look in the mirror, but I don't feel like coming up with clever answers. When I look in the mirror I can't but wonder who is staring at me. Is that me? But who am I? I don't look like anyone I grew up with. It is so frustrating. I've been called handsome, but what do I know. What does handsome mean when you look like no one else?
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human transplant
What does handsome mean when you look like no one else?
It means you are either REALLY ugly, and people are just being polite to make you feel better about yourself, OR you were adopted and you feel no connection to those who claim to be something they are NOT.
Glib Remarks
Sometimes I can't help myself... the need to spit venom is Instinctive. Why? I'd have to say it's a matter of jealousy.
I envy the people who can look into a mirror and SEE something. I never saw myself as fitting within my own a.family -- my coloring and body-type was not at all like the others in that family, so I didn't know how to identify what was pretty and what was ugly in my family. I simply knew the features my aunts/grandmother said were beautiful were not the features I shared... so being left-out of the "pretty descriptions"... that always left me feeling alone and in the dark.
It wasn't until I was in my early twenties, when I was in Nursing School, that I began to see myself emerging into my sense of Being a Feminine Female. I met this very handsome guy, and he asked me out on a date. I couldn't believe such a handsome man would think I was pretty enough to date. I learned a few months later that guy I was dating was also dating my best-friend. I thought my best-friend was the prettiest female I had ever seen. Did I see myself as being pretty, too? No... I felt stupid for thinking I could be anything more than the ugly stupid duckling among a group of gorgeous wanted swans.
When I look in the mirror, I see nothing but a face that wants to know so much more.
Geeze O' Pete!
not seeing you...i can understand not seeing me totally either...as my mother was adopted (and my father)...i have no clue. unfortunately every one says i look like my mother, but i do not want to compare myself to her in any form or fashion. i don't with my dad either, i barely know either of them really. But i would feel more secure in feeling like i look like my dad, but...then again...i'd rather see what the rest of my family looks like. It is only until recently i can see what his father looked like as they reunited. But, not knowing at all for my mother's side just kills me. i get so paranoid in the store wondering...is this woman my family? is she "that lady" ? it is hard even for me in the second degree.
Cursed Blessings
Perhaps one of the hardest parts about MY adoption is knowing I don't live in the same country as my Blood relatives.
What chance do I have of ever finding my Mommy or Daddy or those who can identify me as "theirs"?
I have no visual proof of anything.
I have no Identity, in that regard.
When I'm feeling down, that's what I see in the mirror: A BIG Lost Loser.
My children see me as Mommy, and to them, that will always be sweet, loving and beautiful.
I'm torn between two truths.